Drink the Kool-Aid

Dear Second Graders,

When you punch a hole through your Capri Sun pouch I'm going to have to put your juice in a cup. Likewise, if you lose, break, or maim your straw, I'm going to have to cut open your juice box and pour it into a cup. My question to you is this: why do you refuse to drink the juice from a cup but will gladly drink it from the juice carton? IT IS THE SAME JUICE!

XOXO,
Miss C

#File under: juice boxes are an integral part of my day, why are kids so weird?


    

Just Checking...

All of you eat asparagus out of juice glasses...right?

Good...me too.

 

Apparently I Eat Bananas Like A Monkey...

...which according to K is the wrong way. 

First, let's discuss the important parts of a banana.

The "human way" to open a banana is to hold the bottom and use the stem as a pull tab.  Sometimes it opens cleanly and sometimes it doesn't.  Sometimes instead of opening, the stem bends in on itself smooshing the best part of the banana.  This can often be rectified by cutting the stem off or by splitting the peel with a finger nail.

Monkeys and myself, open the banana from the bottom.  You just pinch the gross part on the bottom and it splits like a banana.  (Get it?  Banana splits?)

Then you are faced with the nasty bit of the banana which you can just get rid of.  Or if you are a real expert, it is possible to pinch the bottom so that nasty bit breaks off in the peel.

There are many benefits to eating a banana like a monkey.  You get to save the best bit for last and almost all those thick banana strings stick to the peel so you don't have to pick them off.  Win-Win!

So next time you have a banana open it from the bottom.  Prove K wrong and it just might change your life.

Note:  Unlike a monkey, I do take the entire peel off before I eat a banana.  Maybe that is what K meant when she said I eat bananas the wrong way.  Hmmm.

3 Bruises, 2 Blisters, 1 Bubblicious Night

Last night I ventured to Davis Square with K and some of her friends to celebrate her birthday.  I rocked straight locks with a front hair poof like a brunette version of this:

And the worst shoes known to man.  The shoes lacked grip on any surface including rubber lined stairs.  That's right.  When I slipped on the stairs I was neither tipsy nor on ice.  I fell, causing bruises on my left arm, leg, and ass cheek on rubber stairs, inside a building, before imbibing any drinks.  I'm so awesome.

We dined at Boston Burger where I was peer pressured to try sweet potato french fries (which I refused) then visited the Diva Lounge because K wanted to use their pod shaped bathrooms.  We sat and ordered a round of drinks and were enjoying friendly conversation when a gruff, mafia looking man with a leather hat, coat, and gloves stepped up to our table.  He was as wide as he was tall and demanded to see ID from L (even though we were carded when we ordered.)  He did not introduce or identify himself and we were all taken aback.  Eventually he said he was the door man and that L looked too young. 

Long story short, the bartender witnessed this exchange and spent the evening trying to make it up to us.  L got a couple free beers and we all enjoyed a round of free fruity shots.  

When we were ready to leave, this crazy girl got up and on the way to the bathroom came up to our table and said, "Didn't your mom ever teach you it was rude to stare?"  Um...I was just trying to get the bartender's attention PSYCHO!

To round out the night we had a few more drinks, danced to a live band, watched T have a "defensive conversation" about her job with a random guy trying to hit on K and managed to navigate the narrow, snowy streets out of the city.

Today I spent most of the day in bed/on the couch trying to avoid contact with my bruises and blisters.  As my mom pointed out, I am getting old and falling down is becoming a much bigger deal than when I was 20.

Boo old age.

Convos with a BabyMomma

As you may know my BFFL (we'll call her S because that's what Summer starts with) just bore the fruit of her loins and named her Madeline. Naturally such a life-changing event is bound to impact every facet of a long term friendship including daily conversation. To document this paradigm shift let me introduce:

Convos with a BabyMomma

10/4/10 via text

S: The mommy movies in Lowell are only six bucks. But they only do one a month and there's a possibility of screaming babies.

Me: Do people nurse in the dark? Would I have to take my top off to get in?

S: You might actually.

Me: Ugh...hope it's not cold in there! If I nursed in public I would wear a huge sweatshirt then just stuff the kid up inside.

So today I learned two things. First, apparently a movie theatre is a socially acceptable place for numbers of topless women to gather...and second, I have just entered a world where weird is the new normal.