Adventures in Acappella

Today began with an acappella concert. I was psyched. It was going to be like REAL LIFE GLEE! I expected something a la this:



Well...they wore jeans...and matching shirts. I so badly want to tell you the name of the all-male group because it was amazing. But alas, that would be the opposite of confidential.

The first song was Mambo Number 5. Now I haven't heard this song in a long while but as they started singing, I realized how inappropriate the lyrics were for an elementary school performance. There were lots of wide eyed teachers. Take a look:

One, two, three, four, five, everybody in the car so come on let's ride...

To the liquor store around the corner. 

The boys say they want some gin and juice but I really don't wanna. 

Beerbust like I had last week. 

I must stay deep 'cause talk is cheap. 

I like Angela, Pamela, Sandra and Rita. 

And as I continue, you know they're getting sweeter. 

So what can I do? I really beg you my Lord. 

To me flirting is just like a sport. 

Anything fly, it's all good let me dump it. 

Please set it in the trumpet. 

A little bit of Monica in my life, 

A little bit of Erica by my side. 

A little bit of Rita's all I need, 

A little bit of Tina's what I see. 

A little bit of Sandra in the sun, 

A little bit of Mary all night long. 

A little bit of Jessica here I am, 

A little bit of you makes me your man! 

Mambo number five. 

Also, some fourth graders got a preview of some high school boy on boy cuddle time. Good times all around. 

   

Happy Valentine's Day!

Last year I "borrowed" these beauties and this year's valentines were Hunger Games themed. Find them here. 

Today was a pretty traditional Valentine's Day in the world of me. I woke up single. I wore an obnoxiously awesome shirt to school/work. (I was the coolest teacher at school today!)

Valentine's were given and received. Candy was eaten. More candy was eaten. Free RedBox movies were rented. Chocolate milk and chinese food were consumed. Trashy tv was watched and I snuggled in bed still single.

The only thing that upset me today was the fact that it wasn't Friday yet! Vacation is so close...I can't wait!

On My Birthday...

My ideal birthday would look like this:

• Sleep in.
• Eat warm cinnamon rolls in my pjs.
• Take a walk.
• Get all dressed up pretty.
• Long, lazy coffee/lunch date with bffs.
• Nap.
• Puppy snuggles.
• Dinner with family.
• Cake.

Instead it looked like this:

• Wake up early.
• Put on my Stink Week shirt.

• Pack lunch and make toast.
• Work with kidlets for hours.
• Watch them cry and knock chairs over and make weird noises.
• Eat cake for lunch.
• Chop several inches off my hair.

• Laundry.
• Dinner with my family.
• Cake.
• Best voicemail ever from my favorite Michigander.
• Phone call with the bestie.
• Bed early.

I guess that what happens when your birthday is on a Monday and you've had a cold for 8 days. Come on 29+2...be awesome!

Where Do Snowmen Come From?

Dear Local Church,

Although I am not a religious person, I look forward to reading your inspiring and uplifting messages each week. But I have to admit, this week you have me stumped.

I get the unassembled part...snowmen fall as snow. Everyone knows that snowmen are unassembled cloud babies. The whole heaven part has me confused. 

Now, my knowledge of churchy things is limited to an undergrad "Intro to World Religions" course and the movie Dogma, so correct me if I'm wrong. But isn't Lucifer/Satan the angel that fell from heaven? Does this mean that snowmen are actually unassembled devils? Snowdemons if you will? This has me concerned as my third graders are currently trying to build the largest possible snowman out of the pittance of snow that is still on the ground.

So will someone please explain this to me before I spend the next week dreaming about being attacked by an army of snowdemons!

This is What Happens...

When you go to school while basically EVERYONE else has a snow day.

• You check the news to make sure that school really isn't cancelled.
• You shuffle down the stairs through 5ish inches of snow.
• You thank Mother Nature for snowing light, fluffy snow while you brush off your car.

• You slip and slide and have trouble driving to school.

• You laugh when another teacher told you she took a sleeping pill at 1 am because she assumed it would be a snow day.
• You cringe when a different teacher tells you she spun her car into a stone wall on the way to work.
• You wonder why you didn't at least have a delay as a third grader tells you that her bus went over a curb today.
• You shake your head when your class is crazysauce because it's snowing.
• You take pictures of third graders making snow angels.

• You laugh when they tell you their butts are wet after making snow angels.
• You are glad that you FINALLY bought a real, grown up winter coat.
• You have sopping wet feet after recess in the slush.
• You ask the nurse if she has any dry socks.
• You wear little boys socks for the rest of the day. 
• You play geography games while running homework room at extended day.
• You get home and just want to snuggle forever and ever.

When you teach 3rd Grade...

• You wear reindeer pajamas to school for pajama spirit day.
• Your kids tell you that it isn't Christmas anymore so you should have worn non-reindeer pajamas.
• You wear reindeer pajamas to the grocery store because you need cupcake liners.
• You feel self conscious about wearing reindeer pajamas to the grocery store.
• You zip up an orange coat while Student K is crying so hard she starts to hyperventilate.
• You back away as Student A comes running up to you saying, "Miss C! I threw up this morning!"
• You smile inside as you notice that the entire class is entranced by the Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane.
• You think that is it Friday when it is only Thursday because Thursday was a half day and there is no school (for kids) on Friday.
• You have to sit through a 6 hour grad class on Friday.

  

Conversations with Children: End of the World Edition

Scene: Today during calendar

Miss C: And what is tomorrow?
Student N: Tomorrow is Friday, December 21, 2012.
Student D: Tomorrow is the end of the year.
Miss C: Well, it's the last day of school this year.
Student D: No. I mean it's the end of the world!
Student A: What?
Student K: The world is going to explode tomorrow.
Miss C: The world is not going to end. What do we do when the calendar ends?
Student J: Get a new one.
Miss C: Exactly. The Mayans didn't know to get a new calendar.


Later in the day...

Student D: The world is going to end!
Student K: I'm not going to do my homework because the world is going to end.
Miss C: It is already December 21st in Australia and the world didn't end.
Student D: Oh.
Student K: How is it already tomorrow in Australia?
Miss C: Well, there are things called time zones...

Conversations with Children: Favorite Colors and Puppies

Scene: Every single morning

Student A: Miss C, what's your favorite color today?

And all I can think is:

____________________________

Scene: This morning

Student K: Miss C! I'm pending!

Miss C: What?

Student K: Pending!

Miss C: Pending on what?

Student K: A dog.

Miss C: Um...okay.

Student K: We have to meet it first to see its personality.

Miss C: That's exciting.

Student K: Want to see a picture?

Happy 12/12/12!

A sixth grader at my school turned 12 today which totally means he should be on the news to celebrate.

During calendar, I informed my students that a day like today won't come around for another 100 years. To which one student replied, "I'll still be alive." And in my head I was all, "Um...you're wrong." But then I got to thinking...

According to this article, the oldest living person is 115 years old. So it is conceivable that my 8 & 9 year olds could potentially live until the next 12/12/12. But then I gave them a quick mini lesson on life expectancy and probability.

And then Student A not so politely said, "But Miss C...you'll be dead." Thanks kid. It's a wonderful thing to ponder my own mortality before 9:30 in the morning.

Conversations with Children: Cologne Edition

Miss C: You smell like cologne today.

Student A: I know. My brother sprayed it on me and I didn't have time to take a bath.

   

It Was a Rough Day in the 3rd Grade Neighborhood

Student E's father's apartment burned down over the weekend. Everyone is safe but now mom and dad (divorced) are living in a one bedroom apartment with their daughter until he can find another living situation.

Student A's (divorced and flighty) mother is in town for his birthday and he was so upset that she would be leaving that he was unable to do any work at all today.

Student M refused to come to school because he had a pimple. Mom wrestled him to the bus stop but when the bus arrived he bolted and ran back home. She drove him to school and told him if he didn't get out of the car she would have the principal come get him.

A second Student A cried for an hour while working on a math practice test.

The first day back from vacation is always rough for everyone. Teachers are tired and perhaps a bit unprepared. Students are out of their routines and have forgotten what the expectations of being in school are. Plus it is a full five day week...our first since BEFORE Halloween.

Four weeks until winter break.
Four weeks until winter break.
Four weeks until winter break.

I'm a Nerd

I'm assuming that all schools in the United States teach about The Pilgrims and the Mayflower. But in Massachusetts we get REALLY excited about it. Case in point:

Every time we teach this I learn something new. Today I learned that there are only two first-hand accounts from the Mayflower. Everything else that has been written was based off of other ship voyages taken around the same time, and stories that people have told!

A Typical Day in 3rd Grade

Today I was indirectly proposed to by an 8 year old, publicly shamed for not being married, and called Mama. 

During reading, we read The Keeping Quilt by Patricia Polacco; a story that follows a quilt through multiple generations. In the book, the quilt is used as a huppa at a wedding. The bride receives a gold coin, a flower, and salt from her fiance. I asked my group what most men give women when they want to marry them. Student A replied, "a diamond ring" then dropped down to one knee and said, "will you marry me?"

Then (a different) Student A raised her hand to ask if I was married.

And then...(a third) Student A* yelled across the room, "NO SHE ISN'T BECAUSE HER NAME IS MISS C NOT MRS. C!"

Later in the day, the second Student A walks towards me with her paper and calls me Mama. She immediately flushed and was so embarrassed that she walked away. This isn't the first time it has happened and it certainly won't be the last time.

And finally, some of my favorite student work samples from our nutrition homework.

Future vegetarian.

Future heart attack victim.

* In my class of 20 students there are six students with "A" names...obviously because it is the best first initial.

Conversations with Children: Part 19

Scene: End of the day...trying to shuffle all of the kids out of the room to the busses.

Librarian: (to me) Amy, Student A is still here.

Me: Student A! Let's go.

Student A: Your name is Amy?

Me: Yes.

Student A: I thought your name was Miss C?

Me: That is my teacher name. Kids call me Miss C. Grownups call me Amy.

Student A: But I don't want to call you Amy. I want to call you Miss C.

Me: Well it's a good thing you are only 8 then. Now go get on the bus.

What 8 Year Olds Have to Say About the Election

As heard in my third grade classroom today:

"He only won because he is a witch with a 'B'."

"My brother calls Romney 'Mittens'."

"That's who my mom voted for."

"Obama is the president again."

"No he's not."

"Yes he is, my mom told me."

"I don't like him."

"Everybody voted and he won fair and square."

"More people picked him."

"If you have a sister in high school she will have a miserable time trying to find a job."

"Wasn't Obama born in Kenya?"

"Maybe Mitt Romney will run for president again."

"He lied."

"They all lied."

The moral of the story:

Your children learn from you. Teach tolerance, not hate.

My Students in Numbers

I have 20 students in my class.

10 are girls.
10 are boys.
1 is a hard core, vocal republican (at age 8).
3 receive special education services.
1 drinks four juice boxes a day.
5 won't stop talking...like ever.
1 makes me laugh all the time.
2 have formal behavior plans.
1 has a sassy teenager attitude.
4 read above grade level.
9 read below grade level.
1 receives free/reduced lunch.
2 go to extended day.
4 are left handed.
1 masturbates on a semi-regular basis.
2 cry a lot.
1 is being psychologically evaluated.
and
1 has scabies. Google it.

 

What I Taught Your Child Today

Today I taught your child what the word drought means.

I taught them about the Dust Bowl of the 1930's and through the miracle of technology was able to show them a video slideshow of photographs from 1935.

I taught them where Nebraska, Illinois, Kansas, Texas, and Colorado are in relation to Massachusetts.

I taught them that a lot of corn is grown in the midwest.

I taught your child that when there is a drought, crops can't grow. And when crops can't grow, animals don't have enough to eat. And when crops don't grow and animals don't have enough to eat, people don't have enough meat or vegetables to eat.

I taught your child that when there isn't a lot of food being produced, food gets very expensive. And while, hopefully they have never gone to bed hungry at night, many people can't afford to eat because food is too expensive.

I taught your child that some people cannot afford to eat because the economy is bad.

I taught your child that the people who run our country are trying to fix the economy but everyone has different ideas on how to accomplish that feat.

I taught your child that because different people have different ideas about how to fix the economy, it is important for people to vote for the person that they most agree with.

Oh...and I taught your child what a time lapse video is because we watched an awesome video of the Haboob in Phenoix, AZ.

I taught your child all of this in 20 minutes.

I also taught them about number patterns and rounding and personal responsibility and writing strong leads and decoding and fluency and how to take the DAZE.

I hope you taught them something too.

 

Happy Birthday Johnny Appleseed!

Have you ever watched a kid eat an apple for an entire hour? That's what I spent my morning doing.

Today Johnny Appleseed celebrated his 238th birthday! For whatever reason, this is a holiday at my school. The principal/superintendent dresses up as Johnny Appleseed (complete with a metal pot on his head), reads a book about Johnny Appleseed, and hands out apples to every kid in school.

The kids were so jazzed about who had the biggest apple or the shiniest apple. A select few then proceeded to take an hour to eat their apples. They licked it and nibbled it until their arms, hands, and table tops were sticky with apple juice. Fun times in third grade.

Conveniently, our leveled reader that accompanied Mulan was about Johnny Appleseed. So the kidlets got to hear two Johnny Appleseed stories today.

And because today was a holiday of apples...I totally dressed the part!

Toothpaste Teamwork

Today we did our first "science" experiment. The purpose was merely to just do something that required teamwork and problem solving without the kidlets getting totally out of control. Their job was simple. First, take turns squeezing every single bit of toothpaste out of the toothpaste tube.

When you think you have all the toothpaste out, roll up the tube and squeeze out some more. At this point our classroom was smelling minty fresh!

Then came the tricky part. Using only one toothpick for the entire group, they had to get all of the toothpaste back INTO the tube.

It got very messy, very quickly. There was toothpaste residue on the tables and the sink and the soap and the kids. At this point, the smell in the room had gone from minty fresh to nauseating. I had to put the trash out in the hallway because of the smell!

The point of the experiment was to provide a concrete example of what happens when you say mean things to others. Once you put something out there, you can never really take it back. 

#Life lesson of the day.

#Then a kid asked me what hoeing was.

    

What I Did at Work Today

Tonight is open house at school. So naturally, we ran around like crazy people today forcing kids to finish projects and hang stuff up and cursed the laminator for breaking.

As the minutes ticked by I was left with one final task: using a GIANT stapler to staple together our first class book.

First, I stapled the book to the stapler. Yes. You read that correctly. Then I had to fashion some scissors into pliers to pull the industrial sized staples out of the stapler of death.

I fixed the stapler and stapled the book all without making my accident prone self bleed. This was by far my greatest success of the day.

I mean I did other things too...like teach kids stuff and read Mulan to an 8 year old and took a kid with mosquito bites to the nurse and yelled at kids for running and made kids correct math homework. But really, defeating the stapler of death took first place.

What did you do at work today?