My Holiday Card...For Real

After a failed holiday card attempt, I started over. I had an idea but wasn't sure about its execution. First I made a design.

Then transfered the design to my stamp via the trace both sides with pencil then retrace method.

Then I (carefully) cut...

And cut.

I wasn't sure how it would print. I was afraid the ink would fill in the snowflake and it wouldn't print correctly...and I was right...at first.

And so I tried again with purple. And failed again.

The ink was all dried up and cracky. But I persevered. This time with MAGENTA!

SUCCESS! And then I printed like 18,000 more.

The inside of the card.

The back of the card.

And the envelopes!

Happy Holidays!

Cooking with Amy: Ranch Chicken Strips

Often I pin super yummy looking things without actually making them. As the year winds down and it grows colder, I am more inclined to use my oven than I was over the summer.

My first attempt was Ranch Chicken Strips. You crush cornflakes and mix them with some Parmesan cheese and a packet of ranch dressing mix. They were supposed to look like this:

Surprise, surprise...mine look like this:

Several things went wrong:

1. I forgot to coat them in the milk/egg mixture before covering them in the cornflake mixture. So I dumped them out of the cornflake mixture into the milk/egg mixture then back into the cornflake mixture.

2. I didn't grease the tin foil before baking so one side looks yummy and the other side in naked because the crust stuck to the tin foil. Woops.

3. I was planning on flipping them halfway through but I got distracted by Hocus Pocus.

They don't look like much but they taste delicious. So I'm gonna toss some spaghetti and zucchini in the sauce that I impulse bought at Target and nom away.

What I Did at Work Today

Tonight is open house at school. So naturally, we ran around like crazy people today forcing kids to finish projects and hang stuff up and cursed the laminator for breaking.

As the minutes ticked by I was left with one final task: using a GIANT stapler to staple together our first class book.

First, I stapled the book to the stapler. Yes. You read that correctly. Then I had to fashion some scissors into pliers to pull the industrial sized staples out of the stapler of death.

I fixed the stapler and stapled the book all without making my accident prone self bleed. This was by far my greatest success of the day.

I mean I did other things too...like teach kids stuff and read Mulan to an 8 year old and took a kid with mosquito bites to the nurse and yelled at kids for running and made kids correct math homework. But really, defeating the stapler of death took first place.

What did you do at work today?

 

Mother is Always Right

I like to bring mixed berry smoothies to school in the morning. And just like yesterday, I blended up my smoothie, poured it into a sky blue SOLO cup, and was out the door. My mother asked me this weekend why I didn't use a cup with a top and I was all "Mom, smoothies are thick...it won't spill."

Today, unlike yesterday I knocked my no-top smoothie cup with my lunch bag and this happened:

Yes. That is an entire SOLO cup's worth of mixed berry smoothie all up in my car.  Luckily, my raincoat protected my school outfit but oh man there was smoothie EVERYWHERE.

So what was a girl to do? That isn't something you can clean up with a couple of Dunks napkins. I decided the best idea would be to leave it and deal with it after school. Well...do you know what happens to milk in a hot car over the course of 7 hours? 

After school, armed with a role of paper towels, a container of Clorox wipes, and a measuring cup, I tackled the mess. I will spare you the details but as of now, my cup holders have never been cleaner. The only remaining issue is the smoothie that escaped down into the emergency brake. I stuffed a paper towel down there to sop some of it up but now the paper towel is stuck somewhere in the bowels of my center console. It is highly likely that I'll never see it again but I'm worried about what it will smell like.

Any suggestions on retrieving it?

Bah Humbug!

Putting up my Christmas tree made a Scrooge out of me!

Things I learned today:

You (and by you, I'm referring to myself) need TWO people to put up a Christmas tree...especially if you want it to have any semblance of straightness.  

I hauled my tree out of the trunk of my car and into my apartment all by myself!  And from there it all went bad.  I quickly discovered I either A. don't know how to use a hand saw or B. don't have the arm strength to use a hand saw.  I mangled the trunk of my tree as I tried to saw off some of the bottom branches so it would fit into the tree stand.  

I got it up in the tree stand but it was super wiggly and mostly crooked.  So I took it down and started over.  On my second try my tree looked like this:

I know right?  It was at this point that I had a meltdown like butter atop a baked potato.  There was swearing and near tears involved.  I almost called my mom. (I had already called my dad once.)  I took a breather then gave it one more try.

The tree was up and still tilted but it was going to have to do.  Plus...I think the top half of my tree is not in line with the bottom half of my tree.  Case in point:

One and a half hours after I began...

It's the best I could do by myself and that will have to be good enough.  After all was said and done, I was covered in sap and had to dip my hands in nail polish remover.  I couldn't bear the thought of dealing with the tree for one more second so the lights and ornaments will have to wait.

Oh...and yes I screwed a hook into my wall to tie some baker's twine around the trunk of my tree to hold it up straightish and to (hopefully) keep it from falling over...

...that's how I roll.

    

Foibles

What a strange sounding word.  And not quite the word to describe today.  But the word I am looking for escapes me at this moment.

I had a super fast day at school/work.  I played "Break The Ice" with competitive, aggressive boys, had grade 2 lunch group with three awesome space cadets (and I mean that in the nicest way possible so don't judge me), and had lunch and "consult" time with super fab colleagues friends.

After school/work I hauled ass to my favorite dog-loving car dealership.  Today there was one of those little black and white dogs with barely any fur, and permanent bug eyes.  A Boston terrier I think?  Its owner coaxed it onto the couch next to her where it proceeded to lick itself silly.  One and a half hours later, a basic service and 5 pins to hold on those flappy splash guard things and I was out of there.

I was psyched to drive by the gas station that had gas for $3.36.  (At my home gas station it is $3.65.)  I pull in, turn off the car, uncap the cap and find that the advertised price was ONLY for gas card holding members!  For regular credit card holders it is $ .06 more.  FALSE ADVERTISING!

When I got home, I consulted my T-day recipes and made my shopping list which I proceeded to leave at home...so hopefully I picked up the important things!

Reheated left overs from last night for dinner and used my flat naan to make some garlic bread.  And in typical Amy fashion, I accidentally lit my toaster oven on fire.  NBD.

Tomorrow is a half day and I get to play teacher because the "real" teacher is taking off for T-day early.  We have a busy day of word searches, indoor recess, and Charlie Brown's Thanksgiving planned.  I was supposed to take off for Maine but apparently there is ANOTHER storm that is going to screw up my travel plans.  WTF Mother Nature?

Also:  At some point (when I finally replace my camera charger) I promise to put photos on my blog again.

    

Cooking with Amy: Naan Edition

I had another Breadventure this weekend.  I came across a simple recipe for naan (pronounced: naan).* The secret ingredient to the naan was yogurt.  Greek yogurt in an Indian bread.  Hmm.

I mixed the water, yeast and sugar and waited for it to get all foamy.  But it didn't.  So I dumped it down the sink and started again.  I assumed (incorrectly) that I used water that was too hot and killed the yeast. Well...my second go around yielded the same results.  No foam.

But I forged ahead anyways.  I mixed the rest of the ingredients but left out this flour:

for obvious reasons and got to kneading.  Well it looked like dough.  I set it aside and an hour later it still looked like this:

the yeast did not do its thing thus my dough didn't rise.  But I cooked it anyways.  At first the dough bubbled up like it was supposed to:

But when I flipped it, the bubbles sank and my bread turned out more like a tortilla pancake then a naan.

I probably went wrong in many ways but I am going to blame the yeast this time.  At least they kind of looked like naan.

I threw some crock pot bbq chicken on top and a few fresh mozzarella bits and made myself a little pizza.  It was delicious.  Even on a pancake-naan.

* I know that the letter A in the word cat is a short vowel...and the letter A in the word same is a long vowel...but what about when the letter A makes the sound that it does in naan, or at the end of Santa?  Long or short?  Is there a medium vowel? 

File under: #Things I should know as a second grade teacher paraprofessional.

   

Number 8

Seeing as how the time to 29+1 is ticking by quite quickly I decided it was time to get moving on some of my goals.  While Everyday Brother was home I accomplished #8 on The List. 

We bypassed the busy, fancy driving range and visited the driving range with the purple dino putt putt.  One of the reasons I added "golf at a driving range" to my list is because it is something I had never done.  I often want to try new things but am anxious about doing them myself.  This is especially true if it is something where the possibility of embarrassment is high.

Think about it.  When is the last time you have tried something totally new?  I had to figure out how to get balls, borrow (rent?) a club, which club to borrow/rent, which stall to pick, how to swing the club, what the appropriate noise/excitement level was or what the etiquette for hitting the ball when someone is next to you. (Does this sound familiar?)  Luckily Everyday Brother was there to save me from myself (and he only teased me about taking pictures once). We got our balls and were on our way.

When we arrived, there was only one other individual there and judging by the sound of his club hitting the ball, he was no amateur.  So I selected a stall far away from him so I wouldn't disturb him with my lack of golf skills (and general obnoxiousness).

I will admit that trying to hit a tiny ball 7483 yards only to have it land on a small green area sounds difficult.  But I never imagined that driving balls off a tee would leave me sore the next day.  Well...it is kind of a whole body activity.  I just assumed that you swing and if you miss you swing again.  Not quite.  You're supposed to bring back your arms, then shoulders, then twist your hips while lifting up the heel of one foot...and that is just the back swing.  Not only was I unable to master do a proper back swing but trying to then hit the ball was really hard.

So today my arms are a bit sore because apparently I was swinging with my arms instead of using my body's momentum. 

My goal was to hit the ball at least 100 yards.  Well...I maybe hit 85 yards...once.  But after I got the swing of things (get it?) most of my balls passed 50 yards.  So basically I won. 

I'm glad that I did tried something new AND crossed something off The List. 

    

How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count The Ways...

My computer hard drive is MIA.  Sunday morning it was there working fine and by Sunday afternoon my computer refused to boot, shut down, or do anything other than loop through the Windows setup.

Currently, my options are quite limited. I could:
1. Buy a new computer.
2. Buy a new hard drive.
3. Try to find someone to copy my hard drive.
4. Cry.
5. Pay the Geek Squad an exorbitant amount of money for them to tell me that I need a new hard drive.
6. Learn to live without the internet. <--NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN.

Now...it's no surprise that I have a slight addiction affinity for being connected.  (FYI: I only have a desktop.  No laptop, no iPad, no smart phone.)  But in the last two days I've begun to count the ways that I've needed the internet/my computer.

1. To Google the error code BIOHD-8 to see if it means certain PC death.
2. To check my email.
3. To pay my credit card bill on time.
4. To check the forecast.
5. To cancel Netflix.
6. To BLOG and READ BLOGS!
7. To Google what time the library closes so I can use their internet.
8. To check the news.
9. To listen to iTunes.
10. To find the address of a meeting.
11. To track what I ate today.
12. To work on my personal budget.
13. To watch Hulu.
14. To do a bunch of other mundane things.

So if I am absent for the next few days forever, please don't think that I've deserted you.  I am likely just curled in a fetal position under the covers, weeping over the loss of the internet.  Also, if you know anything about fixing non-existent hard drives or computers that read error: BIOHD-8 let me know.  But not via comment or Facebook or email.  Hmm....
   

 

Chrome is Crashing

Dear Google Chrome,

When I swore off IE8 and downloaded you I was excited at the promise of an internet browser that was reliable and uncrashable.  For 2.8 months we worked together in bliss.  I got to know you...you tracked cookies about me.  But you just had to go and act up.  First, you slowed my internet speed to a mere crawl.  Then, you affected my mouse click-a-bility speed.  The last straw was when you completely crashed, wiping out my desktop theme and ALL of my bookmarks.*  Way to go.

XOXO,
Amy

*While it may have been a virus that acted as the catalyst for your demise, I still blame you.

   

I Couldn't Do This Again If I Tried...

Disclaimer:  Before reading you have to promise not to judge me for my dirty stove.

Last evening, I decided to make some chicken.  This is how it went down:

I grab my kitchen shears and start hacking a chicken breast into pieces that cook super fast.  I picked up the pan and gave the chicken a toss and I made a mess...surprise, surprise.  If you recall, I recently had a food flipping blunder while preparing a stir fry.  This time it was even more impressive. 

Here is my chicken in the pan on the front, left burner.

As I toss the chicken so it will cook evenly, one rogue piece escapes the pan and sails towards the back, left burner.  The piece of chicken manages to land at such an angle that it fell through the coil of the burner and right into the little metal tube thing.  (I call it the little metal tube thing because I have no idea what it is and couldn't begin to tell you what it is for.)

Seriously?  Luckily there is some type of vent or grate in the little metal tube thing because I can't tell you where that piece of chicken would have ended up otherwise.

At this point the stove is still on and I'm freaking out a bit wondering if this piece of chicken is going to catch on fire (I have a hypochondriacal fear of fire).  So I did what any smart lady would do.  I went all MacGuyver with my kitchen shears and fished that piece of chicken out of the little metal tube thing in my stove.

Obviously after the piece of chicken was recovered, I reenacted the rescue so I could document my crazy.

  

Sometimes Spell Check Isn't Enough

Dear Evite,*

I am writing to express my annoyance with your website.  In an effort to be a responsible party guest, I attempted to access your site to RSVP to a Bachelorette party evite.  Upon entering your website I was met with the following message:

First, while your network connectivity problems make for excellent blog fodder, they are not conducive to my efforts to be a responsible RSVPer. 

Also, your attempt to appease would-be party guests with a funny error message only contributes to my level of annoyance because I learned about homophones in the 4th grade.  Fowl and foul are different words.  Of course, I am operating under the assumption that you meant for your message to read, "Oops!  Party Foul" and that you were not alluding to ducks who dance.

XOXO,

Amy

* I apologize for publicly pointing out the error in your error message.  Admittedly, I violate grammar rules on a fairly regular basis and would be irritated if someone drew attention to my faults.  But you have to admit that you kind of asked for it.

Story Of My Life: String Cheese Edition

My love of string cheese (and all foods meant for five year olds) should come as no surprise to you.  This past week it has become my favorite after-the-gym snack...something to do with protein rebuilding muscles.  But today I had one for breakfast.

I opened it with a letter opener...obviously.

The end was sealed all the way to the top.  What else was a girl to do?

Open it from the other end...apparently.

Sigh.

Some may see this as me being unobservant and ditsy.  They would be wrong.  I see this as being a self-sufficient, creative problem solver. 

Amy: 1  
String Cheese: 0

Try New Foods: Episode One

Number 5 on The List has been a hot topic this week.  I made the goal to try five new foods because I tend to be that person that claims they dislike a food before even trying it.  Although to be fair, I do dislike A LOT of things.  Things that you probably like.  Things like tomatoes, cucumbers, eggplant, lemonade and iced tea.

I don't have high hopes that I will try five new foods, fall in love and add them to my limited recipe repertoire; but at least I will be able to say, "I've tried it and I don't like it."

This week, I've brainstormed the types of food I would like to try and found that others are quite willing to help me accomplish this task.  I however, need more convincing and encouragement.  Today S helped me with that.

I took my brother to lunch today because sadly he is trekking back to VA on Thursday because he can't handle this New England weather anymore.  We ate at an Italian restaurant where salad comes with your lunch.  I was happily eating my lettuce when S put an olive back into the salad bowl.  (I should have stopped right there and realized that if S didn't eat olives it was unlikely that I would like olives.)

But I made an impulsive decision.

The Scene:
A:  I could eat that olive and get started on my 5 new foods goal.
S:  Go for it.
A:  What does an olive taste like?
S:  Like an olive.
A:  rolls eyes.
S:  They taste like olive oil.
A:  Are you lying?
S:  Yes.

Well, at least he was honest. 

I speared the olive on my fork and psyched myself up.  I chewed once, twice, then I almost gagged.  S urged me to swallow it but I had to spit it out.  He then surmised that because I didn't eat (i.e. digest) the olive it doesn't count towards my list.

To which I replied that my list says I only need to TRY new foods not eat them.

Things I learned today:
1.  Trying new foods is not necessarily fun.
2.  I don't like olives.
3.  Olives DO NOT taste like olive oil.
4.  Trying new foods in a restaurant where there is the potential of vomiting in public is maybe not the best idea.

   

Remember The Time...or RTT

RTT I sent my brother a Christmas card with no address?  It only took 3.5 weeks to be sent back to me.  Sorry brother!

RTT I was going to turn my dining room into an office/craft space to fulfill goal #18 on The List?  Instead, I created this mess where I am currently: bruising my ribs, by typing a blog, while laying on my stomach where my desktop has recently become a floortop...and using lots of awkward phrases creating a horrible run on sentence.

RTT when after a monster pizza fail at my parent's house last month (the crust remained in the cake pan while the toppings were dumped onto a plate and called pizza) we successfully made grilled pizza?  Yes, you read that right.  Pizza...cooked on the grill.  It was delicious.  I wonder how hard this would be to replicate on the George Foreman?  In a grill pan?  Hmmm....

RTT my mother refused to let me take a photo of her (probably because she fears internet exploitation) then physically removed herself from the room when my father settled down to watch Sarah Palin's Alaska?

Well all those times were today baby!

January Goal Follow-up

I made only one goal for the month of January, which was to work toward/complete 3 things on The List.  However, I am adding a second goal which I feel is necessary to prevent a relapse into hermitness now that all my people play-things are headed back to work.

Goal #2 - Find a reason to put on pants at least five six five times a week.

Otherwise I would miss gems like this:

It may be a bit hard to gauge the monstrosity of this display but look at how small the freezer section looks next to it.  Assuming that each box is 12 inches tall, that is at least 11 feet of chips!

I finally got around to putting on pants yesterday at about 7 p.m. then proceeded to shop for groceries to make a tuna melt...which was obviously a success.

What can I say?  My toaster oven has a mind of its own! 

Hey...at least I put on pants.

Don't Let the Beautiful Appetizer Fool You...This Post is Actually About my Automotive Inadequacies

I spent the afternoon doing my best Martha Stewart impersonation in preparation for this evening's holiday festivities.  And I made the best party food ever.  It's vegetarian, doesn't need to be heated or chilled, you don't need a plate or any utensils to eat it, and best of all it's colorful and festive!

Question:  What is it?
Answer: Pesto covered spinach and cheese tortellini with fresh mozzarella and grape tomatoes on a skewer.
Verdict:  Pretty awesome.

But then...dun dun dun (that is supposed to be the music of doom)...my car wouldn't start.  It would not light up, make noise, or even pretend to turn over. 

Now, I am good at many things, but car stuff is not one of them.  I know how to add gas to my car, I can sometimes figure out how to defog my windshield, I can open the hood (although to be totally honest I did this for the first time this past summer and I had to use the car manual), I can identify the battery, and I can correctly dial my dad's phone number when it is anything more complicated than that.

Luckily, I was at my parent's house when my car ceased to start so trusty dad got out his portable jump start pack and started my car.  Before sending me home with the portable device he gave me a lesson on how to use it, then made me explain the directions back to him.  Obviously his confidence in my ability to jump start my car without it exploding is minimal.

Finally, I got in my car ready to set off when my airbag light came on.  I spent the whole drive home fearing that my airbag was about to deploy in my face simultaneously causing me to break my nose and cause a five car pile-up on 495.  I made it home without incident, parked, turned off my car, and tried to turn it back on again. 

Still dead. 

So I did the one thing I am best at.  I went inside and decided to deal with the "car stuff" tomorrow.