Saturday Looks Like This

Type a blog at 1:15 am.  Use italics...just because.

Go to bed at 1:30 am.

Wake up at 7:00 am.

Put on pants.

Dunks.

Drive 1.5 hours to Western MA by 9:00 am.

Do crafty things with pictures like these:

Dinner with N.

Drive 1.5 hours back to Eastern MA.

Blog stalk all my lovers.

Pass out.  Hopefully before it becomes Sunday.

  

Apparently I Eat Bananas Like A Monkey...

...which according to K is the wrong way. 

First, let's discuss the important parts of a banana.

The "human way" to open a banana is to hold the bottom and use the stem as a pull tab.  Sometimes it opens cleanly and sometimes it doesn't.  Sometimes instead of opening, the stem bends in on itself smooshing the best part of the banana.  This can often be rectified by cutting the stem off or by splitting the peel with a finger nail.

Monkeys and myself, open the banana from the bottom.  You just pinch the gross part on the bottom and it splits like a banana.  (Get it?  Banana splits?)

Then you are faced with the nasty bit of the banana which you can just get rid of.  Or if you are a real expert, it is possible to pinch the bottom so that nasty bit breaks off in the peel.

There are many benefits to eating a banana like a monkey.  You get to save the best bit for last and almost all those thick banana strings stick to the peel so you don't have to pick them off.  Win-Win!

So next time you have a banana open it from the bottom.  Prove K wrong and it just might change your life.

Note:  Unlike a monkey, I do take the entire peel off before I eat a banana.  Maybe that is what K meant when she said I eat bananas the wrong way.  Hmmm.

Let's Play Another Game

Since yesterday's game was so popular, let's play another one shall we?  I'm going to give you three sentences and you tell me the missing word.

___________ taught me the value of hard work.
___________ helped pay for my education.
___________ taught me the value of serving others.

If you guessed The Army, you are
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WRONG!

For the correct answer, please watch the following:



WTF...Is this for real?!? 

I saw this commercial last night and I laughed out loud.  Did Hooters think, "Hey, it worked for the Army to talk about values and paying for education...why not us?"

The best part most horrifying part is the blond elementary teacher.*  Two things:
1. Why is serving wings to horny men comparable to educating the youth of America?
2. Who would bring their kids to eat at Hooters?  Do people really do that?  I've never been to Hooters but it doesn't scream family friendly dining to me.

In fact this is what comes to mind:



The newscaster says, "This is great because so often people think that Hooters waitresses, they don't think they have any skills outside of pouring drinks."  Um...yes...that is exactly what I think.  And her "skill" is followed by a Wings for Kids message.  Who would watch this on the news then bring their kids there for wings?!? 

I don't even...

*Also, that kid should NOT being using pen to do his work.  And, you NEVER correct papers with Expo markers, they are for white boards ONLY!

  

And We Have A WINNER!!!

Thanks to everyone who participated.  You each earned 5 AWESOME points!  Everyone else...minus 2.

AND THE WINNER IS:

Congrats Tracy!  Your prizes are on the way. 
Hint:  They are a semi-translucent tan color, red writing, two handles, make a crinkle sound...

Items: 23
Bags: 10

SERIOUSLY?  I could have easily packed ALL of these items in 2 reusable canvas bags.  There may be some protocol about bagging meats with veggies but come on.  I don't care if my cold pizza dough touches my non-cold apples.

Moral of the story:  Don't forget your reusable grocery bags. 

Let's Play A Game

This is what I bought at the grocery store today.  I forgot my reusable bags. 

Guess how many plastic bags they used to bag my groceries?

Go on...guess.  A winner has been announced.



Veni, Vidi, Vici

For those of you who need to brush up on their Latin, Veni, Vidi, Vici means I came, I saw, I conquered.  Yesterday I conquered my fear of running on a treadmill!  K pointed out that if I want to run a 5K at some point I will actually have to start running.  I have been waiting to start running until I can run outside but seeing as it has rained/snowed 4 out of the 5 days of April, I figured it was now or never.
I started the day off with a "real" breakfast because apparently granola bars and string cheese don't count.  I even turned on the stove!

I spent a large part of the morning peer pressuring K into going to the gym with me.  I ran some errands then headed to the gym with no intention of running on a treadmill.  But I totally remembered to pack a snack which I proceeded to drink out of the carton.

Then used the lid as a tiny shovel to get at the last bit.  Spoons are overrated!

At the gym I did 3 miles on the elliptical and two miles on the treadmill.  But the exciting part was that I did some 1 minute running intervals.  It might seem pathetic but for me it was a HUGE deal.  I have a weak ankle and my biggest fear is that I will roll it, fall forward smashing my head on the front of the treadmill, slide down and shoot off the back of the treadmill into the purple poll behind it.  Then I would be maimed and so embarrassed that I would stop going to the gym...and I would probably cry in public.

But yesterday I ran on a treadmill and did not cry, fall off, or die.  And it happened more than once!  It was kind of definitely a big deal.  Moving forward, I am going to loosely follow the Couch to 5K program at my own pace and see where that takes me.

 

Cooking With Amy: Dad's Birthday Edition

In my family the birthday boy/girl gets to choose whatever they want for a special birthday dinner.  It typically takes me forever to decide but I ALWAYS make a choice otherwise who knows what my dad would make for me.  (This is a man who fed me shark once and told me it was swordfish.)

My dad's birthday was Saturday (Happy Birthday Dad!) and the only instructions he gave for his birthday dinner were, "Surprise me."  Hmmm.  For my mother's birthday, I made yummy crab rangoon and wondered if I could use egg roll wrappers to make ravioli.  You can.  Or at least I can.

I used ricotta and parmesan cheese mixed with spinach for a filling and practiced making different sizes and shapes with the egg roll wrappers.  (A note on spinach:  what a strange vegetable!  As I squeezed the water out of it, it molded into a baseball sized, green handful of mush.)  I also made some tortellini to freeze for later!

The wrappers are so thin that they barely require cooking.  I just tossed them into boiling water for 1-2 minutes and they were done...and delicious.

Because my Christmas Eve trifle was such a success, I attempted to replicate it by making a free standing trifle.  I had to make my own pound cake this time so I tried to make it extra lemony, but most of the lemon rind stuck to the beaters...which I only noticed after I licked the beater (don't pretend you don't do that) and it was quite tart.

I tapped into my architectural skills to construct three layers of goodness.  The whipped cream was the mortar to my pound cake bricks.  It also served as a dam to keep the smashed raspberries from escaping. 

It wasn't as neat looking as the trifle but it tasted just as good!

   

Six On Sunday

1. I learned a valuable life lesson this week.  Tuna and pasta is not a good pre-gym meal.  Especially when you jump on the elliptical, set it to level 10, and try to do 3.1 miles.  I made it 1 mile and did not feel great but thought I was just being a wuss so I soldiered on.  At 1.5 miles, I exercised (get it exercised?) good judgement and stopped.  At 1.6 miles I would have been that girl.  The girl who vomits in public, all over the gym equipment.  Lesson learned.

2.  Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Fallon are BFF for 6 months.  Colbert donated Fallon's money to charity and in return performed the worst song ever the song "Friday" on Fallon's show.  It was awesome.



3. One of my April goals is to cook more.  I've already started working towards this goal and a new Cooking with Amy segment is imminent.  Here's a sneak peak.  Ten points if you guess what I made!

My fingers are short but I swear they are not that short.  It must be an optical illusion.

4.  I'm getting excited about Weddingpalooza 2011.  This summer a whole bunch of lovely ladies are getting married which means pretty dresses, drinks and dancing, and crossing new states off my Places to Visit list.

5.  It's funny how 53 degrees in the fall means socks and sweatshirts but 53 in the spring means this:

One of my favorite things ever is driving around aimlessly, windows down and music up.  Obviously that time is now.

6.  I've been wondering if the inmates who pick up trash on the side of the highway are also responsible for scraping up all the roadkill.  Or will the turkey vultures eventually take care of that?

Just In Case You Thought I Was Joking

I HATE horses.  But I LOVE My Little Ponies.  And I used to LOVE this movie.  When I was little, I would rent it from the video store all the time.  So after I watched Rainbow Bright on Netflix Instant, I added this to my queue to see if it was as good as I remembered.  Let me save you an hour and a half of your life.

An evil witch and her two daughters live on a volcano.  They hate the ponies.  The witch makes purple Smooze to cover Pony Land.

Lickety Split is a prima donna.  She tries to show up everyone at the recital and ruins the dance.

She gets reamed out.

 She and her dragon friend sing a song then run away.

This is where I got lazy.  A lot of other stuff happens but the purple Smooze covers the My Little Pony dream castle.

Some Pegasus ponies are friends with people.  They tickle a giant spider to get to Flutter Pony Land.

Rose, Queen of the Flutter Ponies, refuses to help.  Bitch.

They have a change of heart.  The Flutter Ponies vomit sunshine and glitter on the purple Smooze, making it retreat.

They all live happily ever after.

Sadly, it wasn't as entertaining as I once found it to be.  Although I did remember a surprising amount of the movie for not seeing it in 20+ years.  I guess I should start renting grown up movies again.  Sigh.

This Is Not A Joke

This is happening.  Hello 1986.