Helloooooooo Weekend

A few things...

* Apparently someone important got married today.  It would have been more exciting if we had a national holiday to fully appreciate the hats.

* While playing teacher today I showed a video about the Trojan War.  To be honest, my knowledge of ancient civilizations is about equivalent to my knowledge of string theory...I've heard of it.  While the kids stared out the window for 45 minutes, I was totally enthralled.  I spent the time making connections in my head like, "Ohhh, that is when Brad Pitt dragged the Hulk behind his chariot." 

* It was gorgeous out today.

* I hate substitute teaching...like I would rather spend the day at the dentist...hate it.  It is tough to walk into a classroom of 25 kids who you know nothing about and attempt to control/teach them anything.  Subbing is making me resent kids and making me want to quit teaching.

* As you may have noticed, my blog is under construction.  I'm just trying to keep you guessing.  All will be revealed in time...like on Sunday.

  

If You Ask Me For A Reference...

Don't be surprised when you have the following email exchange.  Note: Emails edited for length and incriminating identifying details.

Friend:

(asking for a reference)

Brief life update: still working at the [redacted], started College in January for my Master's in Human Services and now trying to get out of my current job...I'm looking for new opportunities.  Let me know if you can't open it, or just can't fill it out. Either way, you're amazing!

Amy:

(writing reference)

So you are going to serve humans huh? I hope they are tasty! I will gladly complete a reference for you on 1 condition.  You start blogging more so I can blog stalk you because I can no longer FB stalk you.  Of course I am kidding (sort of) about my condition. Hope you are well. Let's make plans to visit sometime soon.

Friend:

I have submitted to your condition, though my blog entry was not so exciting. I actually just got off Skype with the [redacted] and she was basically offering me the job already but she still needs my references. Since I will soon be quitting my job, I will probably have some more free time? Road trip to you? :-) Let's hang out, I agree!

Friend:

Thank you for filling out that form for me! I hope everything works out with that. In the meantime, I am still looking to leave my job hardcore.  Would it be possible for you to also maybe write a reference letter for me too? Please?  If you help me, I would be happy to help you with anything on your 30 before 30 list. :-)  You of course can say no.  Either way, you're the best.

Amy:

I will definitely write you a reference letter.  BTW...when the form asked me to give an example of the applicant's dependability and follow through, I wrote: "Friend is very dependable and promptly follows through on any task. For example, when she asked me to fill out this recommendation I told her I would only do it if she started blogging more.  Friend not only responded to my blackmail condition of writing a blog post but she did so enthusiastically and without complaint." I hope that is okay. Are you regretting asking for a recommendation now? Also you should regret offering to help me with ANYTHING on my 30 Before 30 List because I still need to cliff dive and fold 1,000 paper swans...and I'm not above outsourcing.  P.S. I'm going to blog about this.

Ed. note:  The ratio of silly and ridiculous Amy to serious Amy is about 85:1.  I believe this is why I am finding being a grownup difficult.

Dear Amy,

Enough of the woe is me.  Stop complaining.  Put on your big girl pants and be a grownup already.

XOXO,
Amy

   

Wednesday Was

Hot...

Full of soul...



And puppy kisses.

Cooking With Amy: Broccoli Bonanza

I love broccoli...but not the stems so I buy broccoli crowns.  This week I bought a HUGE broccoli crown.  I steamed half of it for dinner.

Nom nom.  That is A LOT of broccoli.  But single person cooking dictates that you cook enough to have leftovers.  It's not worth getting a pan dirty if you don't get at least two meals out of it.  A giant plate of broccoli equals dinner tonight and lunch tomorrow.  Especially when you add chicken.

Dear Mom, This is def. your container that I stole borrowed last time I was over.  Hope you still love me.  XOXO, Amy

My idea of stir fry (because I dislike so many veggies) is to steam broccoli and cook chicken (sometimes shrimp if I'm feeling extra fancy) and toss it with some type of noodle or rice.  Tonight's choice was the Pasta Sides version of teriyaki noodles.

Yum.

Just Call Me Ms. Holiday*

*That is a GLEE reference for all you non-awesome readers non-watchers.

Subbing today went MUCH better than the last time I subbed for this class.  I knew the kids and the kids knew me...and they knew I wouldn't let them get away with anything.

I was just like Holly Holiday:

Except I didn't sing any inappropriate songs to the kids or talk to them about Lindsay Lohan.  Instead I taught about the Continental Congress and showed a video about electricity.

The best part of the day was the awesome musical number I was privy to.  Half of music class was held in the classroom so I was treated to a rousing rendition of 12 kids singing "This Land is your Land" while the other 12 played the ukulele...yes that's right...the ukulele.

I only got to play the recorder in elementary school.  What gives?

  

Monsters

Subbing today for the same 5th grade monsters as day one.  Wish me luck.  And speaking of monsters...I captured this in my apartment:

WTF is that?  Apparently springtime brings the spiders and bugs indoors...which seems counter intuitive because it is now warm enough for the bugs to be outside where they belong.  This guy got a one way ticket to a watery grave.

Thank goodness I had the foresight to keep an empty cool whip container on hand for such bug catching emergencies!

 

I Was Uncharacteristically* Productive Today

* Did I just make up a word?

Vacation is over and I am once again a slave to my cell phone.  Beginning at 5 am I woke up every 15 minutes because my subconscious was playing a game of will it ring while I was trying to sleep.  Alas, my phone did not ring and my lack of REM sleep has left me with a twitching right eyelid.  Subbing is good because it gets me out of the house and into a classroom but it is awful to go to bed not knowing what my plans are for the following day.

I thought I would attempt to conquer my personality flaw tendency to procrastinate today by crossing things off a monstrous to-do list.

I did pretty well.  I went a little packing tape happy in order to return shoes that I bought in August of 2010!  Talk about procrastinating.  Online stores should NEVER offer 365 day returns to people like me.  The man at the UPS store may or may not have made fun of me for the amount of packing tape I used.  (He did.)  But I wanted to MAKE SURE that my items were secure.

The library didn't happen because I left my books at home.  Boo.

 

Easter Egg Hunt for Hair Elastics

I wear my hair in a pony tail a lot.  Like 27 days a month a lot.  It seems that every morning I have to get a new hair elastic because I cannot find the one from the day before.  My hair elastic dish is perpetually running low despite the fact that I buy packs of hair elastics more than once a year.
 

In lieu of an Easter Egg hunt, today I went on a hair elastic hunt.  They were on my night stand.

A few in my bed.

Mixed in with my makeup.

On the bathroom doorknob.

Piled on the coffee table.

Hiding in my purse.

And in the car.

My hair elastic dish is happily full again!  Let's see how long this lasts.

Sometimes Spell Check Isn't Enough

Dear Evite,*

I am writing to express my annoyance with your website.  In an effort to be a responsible party guest, I attempted to access your site to RSVP to a Bachelorette party evite.  Upon entering your website I was met with the following message:

First, while your network connectivity problems make for excellent blog fodder, they are not conducive to my efforts to be a responsible RSVPer. 

Also, your attempt to appease would-be party guests with a funny error message only contributes to my level of annoyance because I learned about homophones in the 4th grade.  Fowl and foul are different words.  Of course, I am operating under the assumption that you meant for your message to read, "Oops!  Party Foul" and that you were not alluding to ducks who dance.

XOXO,

Amy

* I apologize for publicly pointing out the error in your error message.  Admittedly, I violate grammar rules on a fairly regular basis and would be irritated if someone drew attention to my faults.  But you have to admit that you kind of asked for it.