So the Moral of the Story Is...

Edward Cullen says:

In October, I drank lots of lattes, wore flip flops with sweatshirts, looked at the moon, spent too much time online, visited with lots of friends, ate too much candy, dressed up for Halloween, didn't finish a book, met new people, went three entire days without going outside, barely watched tv, kept my apartment clean, made a minibook, drove more than 1,500 miles, photographed lots of leaves, and cut my own hair.

I accomplished ALL three of my October goals proving that my idea of aiming low should now be widely recognized and respected.  This past month, I tried something new, I wrote an entire blog post without using the word "I" and I carved some kick-ass pumpkins.

Sadly, I exhibited poor decision making skills in carving my pumpkins 8 days before Halloween. Apparently if you live in an apartment this is not a good idea.  I went away for the weekend and returned to this:

I spent the better part of 10 minutes scraping pumpkin guts off the window sill with a spatula.  Today was spent mourning the death of my jack-o-lantern before he was able to realize his Halloween dream. Maybe I should have put it in the fridge rather than leave it in the window when it was 75 degrees for 4 days?  Oh well...live and learn.

I also tried to dress my dog as a lady bug.  She was not psyched:

However, after some tummy rubbing and the promise of dog treats she acquiesced.

So the moral of the story is...
Don't carve pumpkins a week before Halloween and leave them inside.
Be nice to animals...or bribe them with treats before you embarrass them.

Bring on November!

Things to Google

Third October goal......CHECK!

My goal was to write a post without using the first person singular pronoun.  This post could have been an in-depth discussion of the midterm elections or the merits of voting or a rant about Project Runway...but instead it's a list of things to Google.

* Are non-brown eyes exclusive to humans?  Do wild animals have them?  Wolves perhaps?

* Cement vs. concrete.  How are they different and the same? 

* Occupacity...is it a real word?  Is it when something is occupied to its capacity...like full?

* Who decided what the collective nouns for groups of animals are?  A murder of crows?  A pride of lions?

A List and A Song....NOT A List of Songs

Gearing up for Fall Fun Weekend: Part Deux.  Lots of To-Do’s.

*Go to the bank.
*Order photos.
*Get sucked into Facebook for 2.5 hours.
*Pick up photos.
*Pack.
*But first do laundry.
*Stop at my parent’s house to play with the god dog.
*Worry about onset of dyslexia in late 20’s.
*Do the dishes.
*Take out the trash.
*Pick underwear up off the floor (in case I die while away so I’ll be remembered as tidy).
*Wonder whether or not I can freeze apples to keep them from going bad...decide this is not a good idea so I cook them instead…mmmm apple crisp.
*Make October 2010 road trip mix.
*Mail rent, mail bills, mail Halloween cards then cross fingers that they get there before Halloween.
*Make Halloween costume.
*Watch The Daily Show.
*And The Colbert Report for good measure.
*Finish the book I started in August.
*Blog.
*Write a song...well…rewrite two verses of John Denver’s Leaving on a Jetplane.

Driving on the Highway
by Amy Call

Well my bags aren’t packed but I need to go
Watch Stephen Kellogg put on a show
And be crafty with friends at ScrapVegas
But it’s getting late, it’s almost noon
Have to stop for gas and coffee too
I’m running late but I will leave real soon.

Chorus:
Don’t text me or call me
I’m can’t text back while driving
And I listen to the radio too loud
While I’m driving on the highway
On a trip out west for a few days
Oh yay! Can’t wait to go.

Done and done.  Happy weekend!

OMG IM SFE!

Which stands for OH MY GOD I'M SO FUCKING EXCITED or OH MY GOODNESS I'M SO FREAKIN' EXCITED!

With the success of my first minibook Seattle Wedding Weekend Edition, I have decided to delve into my past to perhaps the most exciting thing I have ever done.  In college, I studied abroad in England...met some life long friends who are now scattered all across the USA...and traveled to some amazing places.  I took a lot of photos and saved a lot of tidbits from my travels and I'm very excited to finally do something with them.

While we were traveling I had a digital camera with a small memory card so I stopped every so often to burn photos onto cds.  Luckily I still have these cds because my old laptop kicked the bucket taking every single photo with it to the grave.

But the MOST exciting part of beginning this project is that I have finally harnessed all of my technological skills and my thumbnail versions of my Amsterdam pictures are now fully realized photos!  And trust me there are some gems in the bunch such as:

Remember this was back in the day when we were young...and all these photos tell stories that begin with, "When I was in Europe..."   

Enough said.

C-C-C-Carvin' A Pumpkin

Get out your gold stars ladies and gentlemen!

I have officially accomplished my second October goal.  The goal was to carve a pumpkin without it looking like a six year old did it.

In the past, my pumpkin carving has included a giant kitchen knife and resembled the following:

This year, I invested in a pumpkin carving kit that came with some little plastic tools that claimed to be safer than a knife...but in reality were quite dangerous. (There may or may not have been a band-aid involved.)



Like I could carve any of those!

The aforementioned "safe" carving tools.

So with my new, fancy plastic tools I took a deep breath, said a little prayer that my pumpkin was in fact, not alive, and began carving.

It turns out that my pumpkin WAS alive and began to weep.  So I put on a brave face and continued to cut and gut not just one, but three pumpkins*! (Obviously this warrants extra gold stars.)



My Pumpkins!

*The smaller pie pumpkins are sooo thick and packed with seeds and pumpkin meat.  There is a reason people don't carve pie pumpkins!

Try Something New

One of my October goals is to try something new.  Before I even made this into a goal I knew that I wanted to try the seasonally appropriate pumpkin spice latte.  This is what we call a win-win.  I get to set and accomplish a goal (giving my life a sense of productivity and purpose) while simultaneously providing myself a reasonable excuse to take a field trip to Starbucks. 

Because I knew what the end result of this goal would be in September, this goal could have been easily accomplished on October 1st...but in the land of Amy, procrastination is king, president, and prime minister.  So 22 days later (today) I FINALLY had my pumpkin spice latte. 

It looked...yummy.

It smelled...delicious...like liquid pumpkin pie in a cup.

 It tasted...like what I imagine drinking a melted pumpkin scented candle would taste like.

Amy = soooo disappointed. 

There was merely a faux pumpkin flavor and no spice to speak of.  This is what I get for procrastinating.  I should have just ordered one on October 1st and I would have known then...instead I talked about it for weeks.  Goal for November: Less talking more doing?

I sat at Starbucks listening to Jay-Z rap about his 99 problems and wondered if Jay-Z has 99 problems, then I must have at least 103 of them.  While wishing I had ordered my usual mocha latte, I made some extraordinarily easy Halloween cards.  (Seriously...I stuck a sticker onto an already made card.) 

Oh well.  Now I know.  At least I didn't get pulled over for being young and black with my hat real low.

Only Because I've Been Absent For Daysssss

Cooking for one is fun in theory...until you are the only one there to clean up and eat everything you made.  One of The only exciting thing I've done this week is buy a crock pot.  I was craving pulled pork and decided that it was time to pony up 15 bucks for a slow cooker.

My first slow cooked meal came out good.  The only problem is that I've been eating pulled pork for lunch and dinner since Monday!  I think I am over pulled pork for a good long while and will have to plan very carefully the next time I break out the crock pot.

A similar situation occurred last fall when I was stricken with the inspiration to make lasagna.  It was soooo yummy...for the first two days.  I froze a large portion of the dish, yet the lasagna consuming never seemed  to cease.  Needless to say, I have not had any cravings for lasagna in the past 12 months! 

Although...I've been toying with the idea of baked ziti.

Maybe I should get started on my October goals seeing as I have yet to do one...unless you count slow cooking pork as trying something new.

If You're Offended by the Word Fuck Then This Post is Not For You

Although this song recounts the age old drama of heartbreak and jealousy, it does so in such a peppy, upbeat manner.  Considering my explicit frustration with the direction of my life, I think this song is the perfect sentiment for my former relationship with employment.

I would like to dedicate this song to the world at large...in the most positive and smile-inducing way possible.



Maybe it's the bold colors or the simplicity of the message but I just can't get enough!  The "OOO, OOO, OOOO" is my favorite part!

If you can't wait to watch this again and you have 3:54 minutes to kill you should watch the official video which is equally (if not more) fabulous.

Minibook: Seattle Wedding Weekend Edition

Back in the day, I was an avid scrapbooker...and I loved it...until I stopped doing it.  I am such a perfectionist that while I enjoyed the end result the process drove me bananas.  Enter the minibook.  I read Elise Joy's blog which is full of wonderfully crafty ideas.  I stumbled upon her minibook collection and had a sort of scrapbooking epiphany...I could make minibooks and forgo the drama and pressure of filling an entire page!

I let this idea marinate for a year or so (read: I procrastinate like woah whoa*) and I have finally started my first minibook.  M got married in Seattle this summer and I knew that this trip would make a fab first minibook...and it does...obviously.

I have more photos and things I picked up along the way to add but these are just the highlights of what I've done so far and I LOVE it!  I am currently making plans to go back in time and minibook my whole life!

*Woah or whoa?  They both look wrong!

Why Today Sucks

Today I had an interview and a Career Services Seminar...and yet I've never felt more dejected about being unemployed than I do right now.

Reason #1: I got my hopes up* about the opportunity to work at a bookstore which I have always wanted to do. However, they only wanted me to serve coffee and wipe tables because my availability matched what they needed.

Reason #2: I wasted 1.5 hours learning about the career services offered at the training center only to find that if I wanted to sign up for a workshop I would have to arrive at 8:00 a.m. and wait in line until the sign up starts at 9:30 a.m. because they only offer each workshop once a month! Seriously? Could they make things more difficult? Maybe they are thinking that since we are unemployed we have nothing better to do than line up like cattle for the morning.

Reason #3: The mean man at the unemployment office who talks down at you and doesn't even allow you to ask a complete question before he interrupts with a gruff answer. The first time I met with him he didn't even look at me or treat me like a human being. I understand it's probably annoying having to answer the same questions over and over every day but that's your job! Last time I met with him he was almost pleasant but he had just come in from having a cigarette. I guess I need to time my visits in accordance with the smoking schedule.

UGH! I just want to get in my car and escape. Something about the open road always helps to calm me down and clear my head. Unfortunately my gas tank is empty. Maybe I should seriously reconsider the conversation I had with K about me becoming a trucker (one who drives 18-wheelers around the country.)


*In my recent experience hope only leads to disappointment.

Fall Fun: A Photo Essay

I did a lot of driving over the long weekend.

On Thursday, I drove through these states...

I paid a lot of tolls...

I took pictures of my dog...

And crossed from NH to ME on a bridge.

I stayed at the house in Maine and enjoyed the sunshine.

On Friday, Mom and I went to Freeport where I took pictures of other people taking pictures...

And mom tried on a lot of shoes.

I also saw some cows...

And some beautiful fall foliage!

I let L take some pictures of my dog.

On Saturday, I left Maine and encountered some very confusing road signs...

But listened to some great music...

On the way to Maddie's Tea where I inherited some flowers.

On Sunday, I spent a lovely day with N and R and made a huge mess...

But finally started my Seattle mini book!

Then I went home and slept for 13 hours!

Fall Fun Infographic

What I did while I disappeared:



10-10-10

I was going to commemorate today with a three-part series of top 10 lists but I am so exhausted from my disappearing act that it's not going to happen.  Instead, I leave you with this:

And now I'm going to attempt to sleep for 12 hours straight!

Disappearing

And when the roads are clear,
We'll head on out of here...

I understand that everyone goes disappearing,
Into the greatest grey
That covers over everyday,
and hovers in the distance
and the distance
and the distance.

I've been up all night...

Disappearing for a while...back Mondayish

Sounds of September

Now I know that September is over and that I should fully embrace October...but I would be much more inclined to do so if October would roll away the damn clouds and bring on the sun!

During the month of September when everyone I know went back to school to teach, I had a tiny mental breakdown crisis of faith. Not of the religious variety but kind of like loosing my faith with humanity and the world in general...no biggie.

After wandering around aimlessly in my mind for several days, I went to the one place that I've always gone to seek solace...the record store. (Except record stores don't really exist anymore, so I went to Best Buy to wander around aimlessly in public.) I was searching for new music that would fill the empty recesses of my soul and ended up buying Mumford and Sons "Sigh No More"...which is exactly what I was looking for.

This album is incredible.



The album came out in the UK in 2009 and the US in February 2010 but it seems that it's just everywhere right now. If you have watched any of the new fall shows you have heard some tracks off this album. The music is British folk...and includes a banjo...but trust me it's oh so wonderful. The title track "Sigh No More" has lyrics taken from Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing poem, "Sigh No More, Ladies." There is definitely a spiritual tone to the album but don't let that fool you...this is not a Christian, praise Jesus my Lord and Savior, amen...record.

While the whole album is fabulous the best tracks (in my opinion which of course is the only one that matters) are:

1. Sigh No More
2. The Cave
4. Roll Away Your Stone
7. Little Lion Man

Best slow jam:
12. After The Storm

I have spent many a waking hour (pretty much the entire month of September when I wasn't consumed by Ryan Adams) listening to this record on repeat. If you can get past the first two words of the record which are "Serve God" you will enjoy it immensely. And if you don't...then you have sucky taste in music. :)

Convos with a BabyMomma

As you may know my BFFL (we'll call her S because that's what Summer starts with) just bore the fruit of her loins and named her Madeline. Naturally such a life-changing event is bound to impact every facet of a long term friendship including daily conversation. To document this paradigm shift let me introduce:

Convos with a BabyMomma

10/4/10 via text

S: The mommy movies in Lowell are only six bucks. But they only do one a month and there's a possibility of screaming babies.

Me: Do people nurse in the dark? Would I have to take my top off to get in?

S: You might actually.

Me: Ugh...hope it's not cold in there! If I nursed in public I would wear a huge sweatshirt then just stuff the kid up inside.

So today I learned two things. First, apparently a movie theatre is a socially acceptable place for numbers of topless women to gather...and second, I have just entered a world where weird is the new normal.

If I Were on Twitter it Would Go Like This

I don't really understand Twitter. It seemed to begin as a way for celebrities to have a 24 hour outlet for their narcissism. What purpose does it serve for us regular people? Isn't it just like an IM away message that everyone can see? And how is it different from a Facebook Status aside from the fact that you are limited to 140 characters?

My reason for not joining Twitter is two-fold. First, I don't know anyone on Twitter and I think 28 is a bit pathetic old to stalk celebrities in such a public manner. Second, because of my astoundingly busy schedule due to the fact that I am currently unemployed, my Twitter page would read like this:

Monday, October 4, 2010

1:00 p.m. I should get out of bed.

2:00 p.m. How is it possible that in four days I went from wearing tank tops to sweatshirts?

3:00 p.m. Why is there no light in the freezer? It’s just as dark as the fridge.

4:00 p.m. Is there any reason to change out of my pajamas today?

5:00 p.m. Wow! It’s five already?

6:00 p.m. Breakfast time...I ♥ granola bars and string cheese!

7:00 p.m. Well it’s just about dark…too late to get dressed now.

8:00 p.m. House is on!


If anyone has any insight into the value of Twitter I would be interested. Although I imagine it's physiologically impossible for an octet of birds to hoist a whale, I have to admit that the Fail Whale is cute!

Operation Aim Low

I love to start things. I get excited about the promise and anticipation of something new. It's the finishing that I'm not so great at. So despite the fact that my September goals were an epic failure...I can't resist making some October goals. However, these goals will be quite small and insignificant. Nothing important like finding a job...although that is obviously still a major priority.


Without further adieu ado:
1. Carve a pumpkin...ideally without making it look like a six year old did it.

2. Write an entire blog post without using the word "I." I understand that blogging is inherently self-centered but looking back at posts, especially my many majors post, I was almost disgusted by how many times I used the word "I." Obviously my sentence fluency needs some work!

3. Try something new. Anything...in any arena of my life.


You know that quote "Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you'll land among the stars"....yeah...that's crap. If you're really aiming for the moon you are not going to be satisfied with the damn stars. So I'm trying on a new philosophy for the month.

October Philosophy: aim low. I figure if my expectations are super small there is a chance that not only will I meet them, but I may wildly exceed them. In turn, the satisfaction derived from this success may lead to feelings of accomplishment, happiness and positivity....I hope.

I believe this strategy is widely referred to as "baby steps."

Duck Duck Goose - October

It has been an entire month since the September duck count and unfortunately very little has changed. So little that this post is almost an entire cut and paste job. I could get all woe is me right about now thinking about how another month of my life has passed me by....but I won't subject you to that...even though I kind of just did!

Here are the categories:

Healthy family and friends: Everyone is wonderful and with the early arrival of the Maddie Bear there is a new duckling to celebrate. Congrats to the happy parents!


Job: Still no duck...although unemployment has kicked in which helps me stay a bit more sane.


Place to live: The apartment is currently being kept clean and visitable if you want to stop by and check out the hole.


Significant Other: No duck.


Financial independence: Again for now. See job duck.



Miscellaneous:


Purpose in life: Current purpose is to figure out a purpose. Doesn't that sound quite philosophical?


Social Outings: Lots of ducks! I've been trying to curb my hermit ways and have had lots of friend dates lately. I'm practically like Jim Carrey in "Yes Man" except without the Persian Wife Finder.