Six on Monday

Because mom begged...I bring you Six on Monday...it's almost like Sunday...just a little suckier.*

1.  This morning was crazysauce.  I snoozed (had to after only 3 hours of sleep) for 15 min. and left just enough time to stop at Dunks.  But first, I turned this:

into this:

and this:

And then I couldn't find my keys...ANYWHERE.  I checked my purse 3 times, my living room, my office, my kitchen, my bedroom, and my bathroom.  They were nowhere.  I wondered if I locked them in my car, but I was in my apartment so they had to be somewhere there as well.  I searched and searched and almost called the school to tell them I wasn't going to show up to sub because my keys were GONE.  But then I found them.  Guess where?

In the couch cushions....obviously.  By that time my Dunks window had been harshly closed and I had to play nice with the monsters for 6 hours without a coffee after 3 hours of sleep.  Ugh.

2.  But my day was still better than the guy who flipped his truck on my exit ramp this evening.

3.  And I was super productive today.  I did all sorts of errands and chores that I have been putting off forever and ever and ever.

4.  I've been super good about my eating green things goal.  Lots of veggies so far but still little variety (broccoli, zucchini, and lettuce.)

5.  I even found my favorite thing ever pasta that was green!

6.  I bought my plane tickets to visit all my lovelies this summer!  I've been working on something (hopefully) exciting to tell you about my trip.  Can you stand the suspense?

* Today a 5th grader told me that Monday was not Funday...according to him, only Sunday Funday exists.

    

OMG SUN!

I'M ON A VITAMIN D HIGH!!!

Today I subbed a half day at a school where the kids called me by my first name.  It was so strange to hear "Amy" coming from the mouth of an 11 year old.

THIS AFTERNOON THERE WILL BE:

Sun.

Flip flops.

Ice cream.

A phone call with my name twin.

 

HAPPY LONG WEEKEND!

   
 

Remember The Time...

I got schooled by an 8 year old?  Yeah, that was today.

I was teaching 3rd grade and we were reading a National Geographic article about polar bears.  I pointed out that polar bears may go extinct if we don't help protect their habitat.  We listed some extinct animals like the dodo, dinosaurs, and the quagga (half horse, half zebra).  Then the following conversation ensued:

Student:  Passenger pigeons are extinct.
Me:  No they aren't.  I know someone who raises them.
Student:  No those are carrier pigeons. They are different.  Passenger pigeons are extinct.  The last one died on September 1, 1914.*
Me:  Oh.

Later in the day during independent reading time the passenger pigeon kid was "reading" a Where's Waldo book so I pointed out Waldo before he could find him.

Passenger pigeon kid: 1
Amy: 1

* This is true.  I don't know why he knew that fact but I Googled it when I got home.

  

Helloooooooo Weekend

A few things...

* Apparently someone important got married today.  It would have been more exciting if we had a national holiday to fully appreciate the hats.

* While playing teacher today I showed a video about the Trojan War.  To be honest, my knowledge of ancient civilizations is about equivalent to my knowledge of string theory...I've heard of it.  While the kids stared out the window for 45 minutes, I was totally enthralled.  I spent the time making connections in my head like, "Ohhh, that is when Brad Pitt dragged the Hulk behind his chariot." 

* It was gorgeous out today.

* I hate substitute teaching...like I would rather spend the day at the dentist...hate it.  It is tough to walk into a classroom of 25 kids who you know nothing about and attempt to control/teach them anything.  Subbing is making me resent kids and making me want to quit teaching.

* As you may have noticed, my blog is under construction.  I'm just trying to keep you guessing.  All will be revealed in time...like on Sunday.

  

Just Call Me Ms. Holiday*

*That is a GLEE reference for all you non-awesome readers non-watchers.

Subbing today went MUCH better than the last time I subbed for this class.  I knew the kids and the kids knew me...and they knew I wouldn't let them get away with anything.

I was just like Holly Holiday:

Except I didn't sing any inappropriate songs to the kids or talk to them about Lindsay Lohan.  Instead I taught about the Continental Congress and showed a video about electricity.

The best part of the day was the awesome musical number I was privy to.  Half of music class was held in the classroom so I was treated to a rousing rendition of 12 kids singing "This Land is your Land" while the other 12 played the ukulele...yes that's right...the ukulele.

I only got to play the recorder in elementary school.  What gives?

  

Wednesday Truths

Yesterday I subbed for an inclusion assistant.  You can read about my earlier adventures in subbing here.  I did close to nothing babysat all day and it was the longest 6 hours of my life.  Reminiscent of when I worked the fitting room at Old Navy at 9:00 AM on weekday mornings.  There is only a certain number of times you can put on a runway show for one before you feel stupid.

I've had a very busy last four days so Monday night I was going to turn my phone off so I wouldn't hear any calls about subbing.  I know it had only been one day and it's way too soon to start ignoring calls for work.  So I left my phone on and got called to sub.  I went back into my room to start getting ready and there was a HUGE spider crawling on my bed blankets.  I really wanted to take a photo because it was seriously large but I couldn't risk it getting away.  It needed to die ASAP.  So for the second day in a row, I found myself murdering a spider.

I hung out in 6th grade for the day.  The kids were preparing for a play about ancient civilizations so they talked about Athens and Sparta all day.  Every time I heard the word Sparta, I was all, "I AM SPARTA!" in my head and I wanted to laugh out loud.

After school, I played grown up and FINALLY did my taxes (at my parent's house so I got a free dinner and free laundry).  Sadly, I owe money for state taxes and am getting a pittance back from the Feds so no iPad reward.  (Every year I buy myself a present with my tax refund.  It's like Christmas 2.0!)

Before I left my parent's house last night, a spider descended from the ceiling fan, riding on its web spinning, string thing. (I'm sure there is a proper name for this.)  I saw it dangling in the air and tried to coax my dog into eating it.  She was having none of that.  For the THIRD time in two days I murdered a spider.  At what point do I become a spider serial killer?  And will someone please lie to me and tell me that all of these spiders mean good luck is coming my way.

When I got home last night, I had a voicemail about subbing for today.  I didn't call back.  But I'm justifying it by the fact that I should be rewarded for doing my taxes, I needed a good nights sleep like whoa, and I will be all kinds of productive today.  GTL baby!  If "T" stands for "the bank."  Also grocery shopping and tutoring...in the rain...although my raincoat is in my car and I am in my warm, dry apartment.  Can we say dilemma?

Amy Does Subbing: Day One

My recap as promised.

6:32 AM  The phone rings and I don't know what is happening.  I manage to grab it, stumble out of bed into the other room (which is the only room in my apt. where I get cell service) and agree to play teacher for the day.

6:33 AM  Not quite conscious yet, I try to do the math to see if I have time to go back to sleep.  I don't.

7:15 AM  I realize that avoiding laundry has finally caught up to me.  I put on pants.  Just pants.

7:20 AM  Blow dry my hair wearing only pants.

7:30 AM  Remind myself I cannot leave the house without a shirt.  Dig a shirt out of some clean(?) laundry on the floor.  No judgement!

7:45 AM  Make this for lunch.  Are you jealous?  Don't fret it's only raspberry jam.

8:30 AM  Decide I don't like 5th graders.

8:31 AM  Reconsider teacher career.

10:00 AM  Murdered a spider after two girls screamed while watering the class plants.

12:30 PM  Was ignored by the staff at lunch.  Took photos in the bathroom so I could mock them.  (There was a third sign across from the toilet.)

Noted.

1:30 PM  Watched a video about coral polyps.  File under: Things I never needed to know.

2:00 PM  Best part of the day.  During Social Studies:

Amy:  What is the Constitution?

Student:  It's a stool.

Amy: blink blink  What?  No.

Student:  Yeah it's a stool.  With the seat and the three legs.  The three different parts.

Amy: OH...You mean it's like a stool.  The three branches of government are the legs.  The stool is a metaphor.

Student: blink blink What?

Amy:  face palm

2:45 PM  Leave school.

2:55 PM  Return to school to retrieve my water bottle.

After school I needed a nap like whoa but I played basketball threw a basketball at a net and went for a walk with K to enjoy the beautiful day.