Monday, January 31, 2011

Duck Duck Goal

In January I shoveled sooo much snow, painted my nails with Gilty Pleasure Gold, fell down more than once, read 7 books, turned my dining room into an office, cooked pizza on a grill, took 2 field trips to IKEA, laughed at John Boehner for crying in public, saw Black Swan, said goodbye to my Christmas tree, put on pants, and got started on The List.

Goal # 1:  Work toward/complete 3 things on the list.
Although many of the things on my list are more warm weather activities and long term goals, I did manage to begin several of my goals and I finished one of them.  Here's an update:

#2 Read 56 books:  I actually read 7 books this month which puts me ahead of the game!

#4 In Progress

#12 Read all of Roald Dahl's books:  I made this goal before realizing how prolific a writer Roald Dahl was.  This month I compiled a list of all of his children's books, novels, short story collections, poems, and plays.  I quickly realized that this is going to be a much bigger goal than I anticipated!

#18 Turn my mess of a dining room into an office/craft space:  After two trips to IKEA I have a new desk, desk chair, and storage solutions.  Before and after pictures will follow shortly.

Goal # 2:  Find a reason to put on pants at least five times a week.
Originally, I was going to keep a Pants/No Pants calendar so I would have a graphic to add to this post.  But then I realized that actually recording which days I got dressed and which days I didn't put me way past cute and quirky on the crazy scale.  I did end up getting dressed most days this month...with the exception of all the snow days we had. 

Sunday, January 30, 2011

3 Bruises, 2 Blisters, 1 Bubblicious Night

Last night I ventured to Davis Square with K and some of her friends to celebrate her birthday.  I rocked straight locks with a front hair poof like a brunette version of this:

And the worst shoes known to man.  The shoes lacked grip on any surface including rubber lined stairs.  That's right.  When I slipped on the stairs I was neither tipsy nor on ice.  I fell, causing bruises on my left arm, leg, and ass cheek on rubber stairs, inside a building, before imbibing any drinks.  I'm so awesome.

We dined at Boston Burger where I was peer pressured to try sweet potato french fries (which I refused) then visited the Diva Lounge because K wanted to use their pod shaped bathrooms.  We sat and ordered a round of drinks and were enjoying friendly conversation when a gruff, mafia looking man with a leather hat, coat, and gloves stepped up to our table.  He was as wide as he was tall and demanded to see ID from L (even though we were carded when we ordered.)  He did not introduce or identify himself and we were all taken aback.  Eventually he said he was the door man and that L looked too young. 

Long story short, the bartender witnessed this exchange and spent the evening trying to make it up to us.  L got a couple free beers and we all enjoyed a round of free fruity shots.  

When we were ready to leave, this crazy girl got up and on the way to the bathroom came up to our table and said, "Didn't your mom ever teach you it was rude to stare?"  Um...I was just trying to get the bartender's attention PSYCHO!

To round out the night we had a few more drinks, danced to a live band, watched T have a "defensive conversation" about her job with a random guy trying to hit on K and managed to navigate the narrow, snowy streets out of the city.

Today I spent most of the day in bed/on the couch trying to avoid contact with my bruises and blisters.  As my mom pointed out, I am getting old and falling down is becoming a much bigger deal than when I was 20.

Boo old age.

Davis Square Fights Back

My college graduation took place in the rain and it was freezing.  J and I wore Northface jackets and sneakers.  We made fun of the girls who wore high heels in the mud. 

Tonight I was that girl.

Except replace high heels with uncomfortable kitten heels and substitute ice and snow for mud.

So I ended up coming home with a popped blister on the back of each heel and three giant bruises (I got in a fight with a staircase and the stairs won.)

More tomorrow...if I can move.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Flashback Friday

There is no excuse for my continued blog absenteeism...except for writers block and the fact that I have done nothing exciting or remotely noteworthy except watch my Netflix Instant Queue and shovel 10+ inches of snow 1-2 times per week. 

It is officially that point in the winter where the snow is no longer fun, pretty, or wanted.  While the days are getting longer, the temperatures seem to be dropping.  Basically it is hibernation season.

So in an effort to force myself to write, blog, and communicate electronically with the world I present:

Every week I'll share a story about something that happened back in the day. 

Now, without further ado...

When I was in college I was an RA (Residential Advisor) which is how I met my then best friend J.  I think it was 2004 and we were still living in the dorm and one weekend we were feeling particularly restless.  To ease the restlessness, it seemed like a good idea to dye my hair jet black (in retrospect it was not the best idea because even though it said it would wash out in 28 shampoos it did not and I was cursed with the half colored, half not look for the entire time it took to grow out.)

That weekend we also impulsively visited a tattoo/piercing shop.  Reluctant to permanently scar my body (although I was super close to getting a tattoo when I was in Europe) I opted for the trendy upper ear cartilage piercing.  J got her belly button re-pierced.

The woman who pierced me used a needle and it was quite a painful experience.  (Maybe I have a low pain tolerance because when I got my ears pierced when I was 7 I almost passed out.)  I could feel the needle push through and pop the cartilage then push the rest of the way through.  My ear was on fire and she still had to twist the ring through.  Afterwards, I had to sit and have a lollipop because I was afraid I was going to pass out. 

The piercing never really healed and 6-7 years later it still bothers me.  I have talked many times about taking it out and my dad even offered to pry it out of my ear for me which I declined due to the fact that I like to be in control of my pain level. 

But tonight was the night. 

The tools I used: 

Did you think I was kidding?  Yes, I used actual tools from the toolbox but I am now officially upper-earring free.  I have a bit of a bump/scar thing which I am hoping will go away as the hole heals but we'll have to wait and see.

Next time I get restless I think I'll go for a walk.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

An Open Video Letter to Christine O'Donnell

Dear Christine O'Donnell,

According to the video below, your argument against the existence of evolution seems to be based solely on the fact that you cannot observe monkeys evolving into humans today.

Two things.  One - We evolved from apes not monkeys...hence our lack of tails.  And two:

Also, gorillas are not even the closest primate relative to humans.  Google Bonobos in your spare time.


Friday, January 21, 2011

Dear Snow,

Do you remember when you were whimsical and picturesque?

Now you are just a pain in the ass. 

Please stop.  Otherwise I will have to shovel out my window as well as my car.


Thursday, January 20, 2011

Symbolic Socks

When I began this blog I was writing about myself, my happenings, my thoughts and observations about the world.  To me, it was entertaining and engaging.  But it seems as if I have lost all my life/writing mojo because I've quickly gone from drawing a comparison between minivan drivers and Mario Kart characters to this:

...writing a post about how throwing away old socks is symbolic.  Feel free to never read this blog again.

I own so many socks.  How many you ask?  So many that in the rare instance that ALL of my socks are clean at the same time, they more than overflow their assigned dresser drawer.  That being said, the likelihood that all of my socks are clean at one time is slim to none. 

But regardless of how infrequently I do laundry, I always have at least half a dresser drawer full of socks.  Which leads me to believe two things.  1. I never wear socks (which is not true unless it is flip flop season).  2. I don't wear half of the socks I own.

Number 2 is true. 

So in an effort to declutter my life, I started with my sock drawer.  I threw away all the socks that had no match, all the socks that had holes, all the socks that were threadbare, and all the socks that I don't wear because they slip down my heels and into my shoes while I walk.  I didn't count how many I threw away because that would be a tad OCD but trust was a lot. 

Over the next few days weeks months I intend to declutter the rest of my closet and my entire apartment.  Hopefully with less stuff I will be able to be more organized....a feat I have yet to achieve as an adult (or as a child for that matter.)

Eventually I plan to maintain a type of domestic homeostasis.  One item item out.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Slow...Not Quite Steady

Remember when I was all jazzed about my field trip to IKEA?  I got all kinds of goodies to turn my dining room into a functional workspace in order to accomplish #18 on The List.  Well the progress pretty much ended there. 

I put together my desk and my storage boxes and then hit a plateau of motivation.  I've done bits here and there but nothing earth shattering. 

I am still planning hoping that it will come together by the end of the month.

My favorite new thing (aside from my HUGE desk) is my monogrammed mug.

The picture ledges that I successfully put up all by myself (with minor to moderate plaster chippage) will obviously look better when I put actual pictures in the frames.

The gigantic bulletin board above my desk is just waiting to be filled with fun things.

That's about it for now. 

FYI:  Despite how crooked everything looks I assure you it is all straight.  I used a level and everything!  I just took horrendous photos without even getting up from my desk.

On an unrelated workspace, yet related procrastination note, I FINALLY hung up my key holder necklace holder that I bought a super long time ago.  I put it off for so long because I couldn't commit to where I wanted to hang it and I was nervous about trying to drill holes in a cement wall.  And so it sat, on the dresser, next to the necklaces it was supposed to organize for a million months.  Today I carpe diem-ed and hung it with those removable sticky hooks.  Problem solved on every level.

End of blogging dry spell?  Perhaps.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011


I have lost my will to blog.

Perhaps I will find it again someday.

Today is not that day.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Second Sleep

Definition:  When you wake up at a reasonable time, roll over and go back to sleep for another hour or two...or sometimes three.

I participate in second sleep pretty much every morning and it is during this time that I have the strangest dreams.  Maybe I always have strange dreams and I only remember my second sleep dreams because I am closer to awake than during actual sleep.  A REM cycle thing perhaps?

The reason why is not as important as the dream content.  This morning I had a very vivid dream that today would end with me being sealed in a box and interred.  Needless to say, this was not the most comforting way to begin my day.  I must note that my dream did not include my death in any way, merely my being buried. 

Now, I can't say that I would be thrilled to die today but I would welcome a quick death a hell of a lot more than being buried alive before the night is through. 

So let's hope that I am not a psychic portending my own demise and that I pull through because I have plans tomorrow.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

A BAD Idea

Waiting until the day after the storm to dig out your car is a BAD idea.

The Boxtown got 20 or so inches of snow.  That's a lot.  And yes, I know that it snows in New England and I shouldn't complain blah blah blah.  BUT it seems as if Bloomberg was directing the plowing of my apartment complex during this storm.

It was still snowing a bit as the sun was setting yesterday so I decided to wait until morning to dig out my car.  Again let me state that this was a BAD idea.  Everyone who had to be up and out for work early this morning got their cars out first...mostly by adding the snow blocking their vehicle to the snowbank in front of my vehicle. 

I know that it snowed a lot and that I was in for quite a bit of shoveling but I was completely unprepared for this:


That SNOWBANK in front of my car was 3 feet high in places and a good 4 feet wide.  Thanks for the crappy plow job and to my crappy neighbors who helped make a sledding hill in front of my car!

One hour and a billion shovelfuls of snow later, I was able to extricate my car from its snowy sarcophagus but cutting a hard right around the third of the snowbank that I left for someone else to deal with.

So. Things we learned today:  dig your car out of the snow before your neighbors do.

Oh and another piece of advice I learned this week:  while you may think that parking your car in front of a church is a safe bet...parking in front of a church overnight in the city is a BAD idea.

A Snow Day Pictorial Equation



A less productive day than I was anticipating.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

What A Wonderful Day For A Field Trip

Happy 1.11.11!  What better day to take an EPIC field trip to IKEA? 

I have been planning a trip to IKEA to aid in the redecorating/office space project for ages but I could never convince anyone to go with me...admittedly it's kind of a hike.  So today I woke up early, drove the hour to get there and arrived 15 minutes after it opened.

I then proceeded to spend the next 2.5 hours wandering the airport sized store deciding on furniture and decorations.  IKEA is great if you are a good decision maker.  However, if you are like me (lacking the decision making center of your brain) it is quite overwhelming.

I finally procured my items and then just had to worry about fitting them in my car. 

I drive a Corolla and that desktop is 5 ft. by 2.5 ft.  It was a struggle...mostly due to the fact that I couldn't figure out how to put the back seats down.  I had to break out the car manual to discover that the lever for the seats is actually in the trunk!

So I got the seats down, took the head rests off and shoved that beast into the trunk...and it fit!  Thank goodness because otherwise I don't know what I would have done. 

It took another half hour to get all that stuff back out of the car and into the apartment.  Now I just need to figure out how to put it all together.  Snow day project!

Why I Can't Sleep: POTUS Edition

Truth:  I wish I could list the names of all 44 Presidents of the United States of America (or POTUS).  Merely listing POTUS names tends to lean more towards trivia rather than knowledge of the history of my country...but hey...a girl's gotta start somewhere.

In elementary school some classes learned a song that listed all the POTUS names in chronological order.  My class did not.  (However, I can name all 50 U.S. states in alphabetical order because of the song Fifty Nifty United States.)

If I put pen to paper right now I could probably name 28-30 POTUS...which is only 68%...pretty pathetic.  But before you judge me I challenge you to stop reading and write down as many POTUS names you can think of.  How many did you list?  (If you teach U.S. History you are excluded from this challenge.)

In my head I group presidents into random categories which leads to both repeating and forgetting a lot of names.

Starting at the present and listing chronologically backwards I can name:

I can also list repeat last name presidents such as:
Lyndon Johnson
Andrew Johnson (then I remember Andrew Jackson)
Teddy Roosevelt
Franklin Roosevelt
George Bush
George W. Bush
John Adams
John Quincy Adams

I know some early presidents:

There are the presidents known by their initials:

Assassinated/Important presidents:
(and I know there was a fourth president that was assassinated but I can never remember his name)

Then there are presidents I know by name for random reasons:
Eisenhower and Hoover (war?)
Millard Filmore (?)
Taft (was fat)
Polk (I always think he was the one with polio because of the letters in his name)
Van Buren (because I went to school with a Martin Van Buren)
William Henry Harrison (he gave a long inaugural speech, caught pneumonia and died)
Grover Cleveland (he was president for two terms but not in a row so he counts twice)

And...that's about it.  I know I'm missing about 14 or so.

Incidentally, there are also people who I think were president that were not...Sam Adams, Paul Rudd Revere, Ben Franklin and Alexander Hamilton (because the last two are on our money.)

Someday Amy, someday.  Maybe I need flashcards...or that song.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Remember The Time...or RTT

RTT I sent my brother a Christmas card with no address?  It only took 3.5 weeks to be sent back to me.  Sorry brother!

RTT I was going to turn my dining room into an office/craft space to fulfill goal #18 on The List?  Instead, I created this mess where I am currently: bruising my ribs, by typing a blog, while laying on my stomach where my desktop has recently become a floortop...and using lots of awkward phrases creating a horrible run on sentence.

RTT when after a monster pizza fail at my parent's house last month (the crust remained in the cake pan while the toppings were dumped onto a plate and called pizza) we successfully made grilled pizza?  Yes, you read that right.  Pizza...cooked on the grill.  It was delicious.  I wonder how hard this would be to replicate on the George Foreman?  In a grill pan?  Hmmm....

RTT my mother refused to let me take a photo of her (probably because she fears internet exploitation) then physically removed herself from the room when my father settled down to watch Sarah Palin's Alaska?

Well all those times were today baby!

Thursday, January 6, 2011

DIWDH I said goodbye to my Christmas tree.  While it stopped drinking water a week ago and was stripped of all ornaments on New Year's Day, I lacked the ability to remove it from my apartment independently. 

This morning, Dad and his trusty truck made a visit to Boxtown to collect the remains for certain incineration.  We wrapped it in a blanket to protect the hallway carpet from turning green and hauled it back to Chelmsdale. 

 The aftermath.

This evening I gave my vacuum cleaner a workout until it started to smell like burning plastic.  My initial fear was that the vacuum was about to spontaneously ignite but I gave it a breather then finished the job without incident. 

In other HUGE news, after 16 months of hanging wet towels on the doorknob, I finally installed a two legged octopus (bipus?) looking hook on the back of the bathroom door.  As D would say, "Thumbs up times two!"

Now that the Christmas tree corner has been vacated, I can begin my apartment redesign.  Stay tuned for more DIY DIWDH (Do It With Dad's Help) projects.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

DIY Electrical Emergency

So after living in my apartment for 16 months I have finally decided to start decorating.  Have I mentioned that I tend to procrastinate?  Today I purchased a bulletin board, several photo frames and a peg board to begin with #18 on The List.

After what was probably my last lunch date with T (until vacation?) I stopped by my parent's house to raid Dad's workshop for nails and screws.  I got a mini lesson on how to install an anchor screw, which you use to hang heavy stuff.  He filled my coat pocket with these:

and gave me the following advice:

D:  Don't hit any electrical wiring.
A:  How do I know where it is?
D:  Oh, you'll know.
A:  Because I will cut the electricity to the whole building?
D:  Yes.
A:  Umm...what are you doing tomorrow?

My handywoman skills about rival my car knowledge and my confidence to put 2 inch screws in the wall near a light switch without causing property damage is low.  So even though I am almost a grownup, I will resign to asking for help.

Anchor Screws - 1
Amy - 0

Monday, January 3, 2011

January Goal Follow-up

I made only one goal for the month of January, which was to work toward/complete 3 things on The List.  However, I am adding a second goal which I feel is necessary to prevent a relapse into hermitness now that all my people play-things are headed back to work.

Goal #2 - Find a reason to put on pants at least five six five times a week.

Otherwise I would miss gems like this:

It may be a bit hard to gauge the monstrosity of this display but look at how small the freezer section looks next to it.  Assuming that each box is 12 inches tall, that is at least 11 feet of chips!

I finally got around to putting on pants yesterday at about 7 p.m. then proceeded to shop for groceries to make a tuna melt...which was obviously a success.

What can I say?  My toaster oven has a mind of its own! least I put on pants.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

30 Before 30

The no particular order.

1.  Find a job I love.
2.  Read 56 books.
3.  Volunteer.
4.  This one is private. 
5.  Try 5 new foods.
6.  Take a road trip.
7.  Make a quilt.
8.  Golf at a driving range.
9.  Walk across the Brooklyn Bridge.
10.  Get all of my financial stuff in order.
11.  Climb a mountain.
12.  Read all of Roald Dahl's books.
13.  Bake 13 different types of bread.
14.  Go camping.
15.  Make a serious effort at writing a book.
16.  Shoot a gun.
17.  Go cliff diving.
18.  Turn my mess of a dining room into a home office/craft space. 
19.  Run a 5K.
20.  Spend an entire 48 hours void of tv, internet, and cell phone.
21.  Screen print a t-shirt.
22.  This one is also private...for now.
23.  Solve a rubix cube.
24.  Make 1,000 paper cranes.
25.  Stay awake for 24 hours.
26.  Spend 24 hours in bed.
27.  Read a classic.
28.  Maintain my blog.
29.  Document all of this in a minibook.
30.  Make peace with turning 30...or at least celebrate it in style!

Saturday, January 1, 2011

January Goals and New Beginnings

I love New Years because I am able to do some of my favorite things...making plans and starting new projects!

Today is 1/1/11!  What a wonderful day for making some resolutions goals.  I have never made resolutions per say, but in the past I have created long lists of things I hoped to do in the year to come.  J and I used to make absurd lists like "105 things to do in 2005."  I think I did maybe 25 things on the list.

As I was contemplating the things I wanted to accomplish this year, I was also considering my monthly goals and toying with the idea of making a list of 29 things to do while I'm 29.  Then all the breath left my body when I realized what comes after 29. 


A whole new decade where excuses for not being a real grown up are few and far between.

I don't know what my hang up about my age is but I have always been obsessed with how old I am and whether I have done enough things in my life to warrant being that old.  So as cliché as it is, I am making a "30 Before 30" list.  It is not a life list by any means (although I totally have one of those as well.) 

So my goal for January is to work toward/complete 3 of the things on my list.  That's simple goal. 

I will post my official "30 Before 30" list tomorrow and I will be looking for volunteers to help me accomplish all 30 things in the next 13 months.
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