An Open Letter

Dear Apartment Management,

Let me preface this by saying THIS IS MY LAST WEEK OF SUMMER VACATION and I'm trying to enjoy every single bit of it.

So imagine my regret when I answered the phone at 6:30 pm on Sunday night (I foolishly thought it might be about a job interview...on Sunday night I should have known better) and you told me you'd be here in the morning to do something to my water (I'm still unclear)...and I agreed.

Like any person enjoying their last days of vacation, I was up until 6:20 AM and dutifully set my alarm for a few hours later. I thought about just sleeping and ignoring any phone calls and/or knocking. But that would inevitably cause me anxiety and guilt. So I dragged my sleeping self out of bed, picked up the laundry, washed the dishes, and put on pants for my water testing visitors.

AND THEN, the phone rang just 5 minutes after they were supposed to be here (not too bad for apartment fixer people). But it was just you telling me that they WERE NOT coming. Are you kidding me?!

You then wanted to reschedule for Wednesday of this week. I told you that I might not be here as I might be out enjoying my last days of vacation. You claimed to understand and said, "well this is important to us but you need to do what you need to do."

Yes. Yes I do. And I don't need you to affirm that I'm allowed to leave my apartment.

Look, I understand this is a first world problem, and this absolutely wasn't the first blog post I'd write since taking a six month hiatus, but let's me real: I'm really just an 80 year old curmudgeon in a 30-something's body. ← Writing 30-something nearly gave me a panic attack. That is another post altogether.


XOXO,
Amy


P.S. As always, stay tuned for part 2: Will Amy be home on Wednesday for the water testing people?



   

What I Did at Work Today

Tonight is open house at school. So naturally, we ran around like crazy people today forcing kids to finish projects and hang stuff up and cursed the laminator for breaking.

As the minutes ticked by I was left with one final task: using a GIANT stapler to staple together our first class book.

First, I stapled the book to the stapler. Yes. You read that correctly. Then I had to fashion some scissors into pliers to pull the industrial sized staples out of the stapler of death.

I fixed the stapler and stapled the book all without making my accident prone self bleed. This was by far my greatest success of the day.

I mean I did other things too...like teach kids stuff and read Mulan to an 8 year old and took a kid with mosquito bites to the nurse and yelled at kids for running and made kids correct math homework. But really, defeating the stapler of death took first place.

What did you do at work today?

 

Just Checking...

All of you eat asparagus out of juice glasses...right?

Good...me too.

 

3000 Thoughts

I saw a car commercial today that says humans have 3000 thoughts per day. If that is true...I have at least 11,000. So here are some thoughts from today:

• If I click no every time Hulu asks, "Is this ad relevant to you"will they stop showing me ads?
• There are no good television shows on Wednesday night.
• Will an audio book sustain me for an hour at the gym? <---Kind of. It was Harry Potter #1 so I know the story and was able to half listen. I don't know if I have attention span for audio books...especially audio books that I've never read.
• It's almost spring! It was warm-ish this afternoon and I went to the gym for an hour after school and IT WAS STILL LIGHT OUT when I left!
• Will there ever be a day where no second graders cry?
• Will I ever find a teaching job?
• If so, will I be stuck in second grade for the rest of my life? <---Please no.
• What is Everyday Brother up to?
• Should I be productive over February vacation or just chill out for a week?
• TWO MORE WAKE UPS TILL VACATION!
• We're making life-sized animals tomorrow. #Reasons I love like second grade.
• I tend to think in questions.
• Did I ever tell you that I surpassed my 50 Mile Challenge in January?

• I STILL want to see Big Miracles (the whale movie) but no one wants to see it with me.
• I think I'll get started on my new list during vacation.
• Are you still reading? If so, I'm sorry.
• I promise not to make a list of 3000 thoughts.
• Also on the agenda for vacation is buying and watching the latest Twilight movie.
• I can't wait to start making summer vacation plans. Come visit me!
• Okay, I'm done now.

    

Sometimes I am Awkwardly Inappropriate*

Earlier this evening via text (prior to learning of Whitney Houston's passing):

Friend: Whitney Houston!

Me: Haha what?

Friend: Someone just told me she died!

Me: Whoa! I thought you just wanted to dance with somebody. (Investigates and texts this photo to friend)

Friend: Whoa! Can't believe it! Also, I do want to dance with somebody. V-Day is comping up but I'm having ladies valentine's so my changes aren't looking so hot.

Me: Hmmm...never say never. Justin Bieber taught me that.

Friend: Ha. True. This is our year after all (note: because we are grownups now). But Biebs better watch out. It hasn't been a good month for the music industry.

Sadly, I am not terribly surprised by the news. As was the case with Amy Winehouse, I always assumed things would end this way which is sad because Whitney Houston was incredibly talented. I can't count the number of times I've pretended that I could sing like her (mostly alone in the car) only to end up with a sore throat a defeatist attitude. And I've had many a pants-less dance party to I Want To Dance With Somebody.

Whitney will live forever on my iPod.

* And use humor as a coping mechanism.

I Am in the Twilight of My Youth*

It's Birthday Eve! My last night as a twenty-something. <---That is kind of a BIG DEAL! Although what is even more of a bigger deal is that by turning 29+1, I am actually beginning my 4th decade on this planet!

In case you were not aware, I've been anticipating freaking out about this birthday for the past year 10 years of my life. I always assumed that by 29+1 I would be settled in a career, married, a property owner and possibly thinking about having kids. Instead, I find myself still figuring things out...on all fronts. And...this may surprise you...but I think I'm okay with that.

I've always done things at my own pace, in my own convoluted way so why would I think major life decisions/milestones would be any different? I'm slowly coming to accept the fact that I should not compare my life circumstances to others and certainly not against a number. <---Evidence of me growing up!

Tomorrow, I officially become a grownup. Remember that Britney Spears song, "I'm not a girl, not yet a woman"? Well tomorrow, I move from the girl side to the lady side of that equation.

As Dirty Thirty weekend is about to commence I would like to summarize the last 10 years...bullet style.

• Transferred from UVM to UMASS.
• Studied abroad in England.
• Traveled to Spain, Italy, Scotland and Ireland.
• Spent a final summer at camp.
• Earned a Bachelor's Degree.
• Moved home.
• Worked retail for the first time.
• Realized I wanted to be a teacher.
• Earned a Master's Degree.
• Got my first "real" job.
• Got my second "real" job.
• Moved out of my parent's house.
• Lived alone for the first time.
• Spent 6 short months as a 4th grade teacher.
• Started a blog.
• Spent 12 long months unemployed.
• Made The List.
• Returned to my second "real" job.
• Made some new amazing friends.

Here's to the next 10 years being even more awesome!

Read last year's birthday post here.

* Ryan Adams sang this.

4 > 1.5

Dear Mom,

Although this may seem like a public critique of your ability to cut hair, it is not.  What it is, is further evidence of my poor decision making skills.

XOXO,
Amy

___________________________________

In terms of my hair, I did not win the genetic lottery.  Everyday Mom has super thick, straight hair.  Everyday Dad has thin and almost curly hair.  I was blessed with thin, almost curly but not quite, super puffy hair.  I say puffy because although my hair has the illusion of volume, it is merely air between the strands.

Evidence of curly:

Curls turning to puff:

In my adult life, I've never had long hair.  I let my hair grow and grow for what feels like forever then it just sort of stops.  Because it is so thin, it just doesn't look nice long.

Up until yesterday, my hair was as long as it has been for quite a while.  I don't have a photo and it's too late to take one now!  I entrusted Everyday Mom to give me a trim.  The idea was to keep the length but get rid of the split ends. 

When I asked for 1.5 inches off, Everyday Mom heard:

Hello short hair...it's been a while:

But as Everyday Dad said...it is a renewable resource.  It will grow back and I will inevitably cut it short again.

  

A is for Awkward

Fun Fact:  I have no social skills. 

Let me rephrase...I have very limited social skills.  For example, let's say (hypothetically) that this conversation happened tonight (it did).

L:  Your blog is so funny.  I read it all the time.
A:  Thanks!  I'm glad you like it. <--- This is what I should have said. 

Instead, I said:
A:  Oh.  It hasn't been funny lately and at least once a week I want to give up.
L:  (taken off guard by my complete lack of ability to appropriately respond to a compliment) I guess you could do that.

Then the conversation thankfully switched back to discussion of sewing taffeta and chiffon flowers...hypothetically.

Is my conversational awkwardness a product of poor early socialization?  (If so I blame my parents.)  Do I have some type of Turrets where negative things come out of my mouth at inopportune moments?  (I hope not.)  Am I insecure to the point where I reject any form of compliment?  (Probably.)  Is my hermit-like lifestyle affecting my conversation skills?  (Ummmm....)

For the time being, I'm going to chalk this social blunder up to my surprise that people actually read this silly blog of mine.  All I can say is that in terms of editing what I say, written communication > verbal communication at least 83% of the time (because of that whole backspace button).

If You Ask Me For A Reference...

Don't be surprised when you have the following email exchange.  Note: Emails edited for length and incriminating identifying details.

Friend:

(asking for a reference)

Brief life update: still working at the [redacted], started College in January for my Master's in Human Services and now trying to get out of my current job...I'm looking for new opportunities.  Let me know if you can't open it, or just can't fill it out. Either way, you're amazing!

Amy:

(writing reference)

So you are going to serve humans huh? I hope they are tasty! I will gladly complete a reference for you on 1 condition.  You start blogging more so I can blog stalk you because I can no longer FB stalk you.  Of course I am kidding (sort of) about my condition. Hope you are well. Let's make plans to visit sometime soon.

Friend:

I have submitted to your condition, though my blog entry was not so exciting. I actually just got off Skype with the [redacted] and she was basically offering me the job already but she still needs my references. Since I will soon be quitting my job, I will probably have some more free time? Road trip to you? :-) Let's hang out, I agree!

Friend:

Thank you for filling out that form for me! I hope everything works out with that. In the meantime, I am still looking to leave my job hardcore.  Would it be possible for you to also maybe write a reference letter for me too? Please?  If you help me, I would be happy to help you with anything on your 30 before 30 list. :-)  You of course can say no.  Either way, you're the best.

Amy:

I will definitely write you a reference letter.  BTW...when the form asked me to give an example of the applicant's dependability and follow through, I wrote: "Friend is very dependable and promptly follows through on any task. For example, when she asked me to fill out this recommendation I told her I would only do it if she started blogging more.  Friend not only responded to my blackmail condition of writing a blog post but she did so enthusiastically and without complaint." I hope that is okay. Are you regretting asking for a recommendation now? Also you should regret offering to help me with ANYTHING on my 30 Before 30 List because I still need to cliff dive and fold 1,000 paper swans...and I'm not above outsourcing.  P.S. I'm going to blog about this.

Ed. note:  The ratio of silly and ridiculous Amy to serious Amy is about 85:1.  I believe this is why I am finding being a grownup difficult.

Deep Thoughts Thursday

Note:  Because of an email from V, I have been reminded that I wrote this but never posted it.  It warrants a new label of "sometimes I'm serious."  It is rare, but sometimes I venture into the thought provoking realm of my life.

One problem issue challenge in my life is my lack of ability to K.I.S.S.  (Not that kind of kiss...I'm obv. awesome at that kind.)  I'm talking about this:

Imagine this scenario:
You are asked a simple question.  Is the glass half empty or half full?

Most individuals, depending on their optimistic or pessimistic perceptions, would answer either half empty or half full.  In other words, they K.I.S.S.  I would say it depends.  It depends on how much you filled the glass.  If you only partially filled the glass then it's half full, but if you filled the glass to the top then drank half of it then it's half empty.

This is how I deal with life.  I can't just make a decision and go with it.  I need to consider all the options, weigh the pros and cons, talk it over with multiple people...and by that time the opportunity has usually passed me by.  I get so caught up in the what ifs.  In short...I think too much. 

In my head, I know that life is basically a series of experiences and mistakes that you learn and grow from.  And I know that you can never plan for everything.  Things will happen that are out of your control and you have to adapt and move on.  But I'm terrified of making mistakes.  Of making the wrong choice.

Take running for example.  Most people who want to run put on sneakers and start running.  They work up to a certain distance and call themselves a runner.  I feel the need to research the sport.  Read about it, learn the language, buy new sneakers and learn the correct running form before I even step on to a track.  Case in point, I'm reading a book called, "The Courage to Start" by John Bingham.  It is about learning how to run for beginners.  In the introduction, Bingham says:

"We all need to live out our dreams.  We need to spend less time planning and organizing and more time doing.  We need to spend less time worrying about doing things well and more time rejoicing that we are doing them at all."

True story.

I am learning that I'll never feel 100% ready for anything new.  But that shouldn't hold me back from trying to accomplish it.  So I'm going to try and think less, do more...although I am still going to buy new sneakers first.

Sorry I got all serious on you.  I promise I'll post something inane tomorrow.  Like the time I tried to peel a grapefruit...or the time I ate a lime thinking it would be sweet...or the time I almost drove into a fence...or the time...you get the idea.
   

Remember The Time...Part 3

Remember the time I barely blogged?  Oh yeah...that was this week.

But I honed my skills as a shut in, read two books and ate lots of Easter candy...so there's that.

      

FF - Does This Make Me A Bad Person?

This is S.

She was my flatmate when I went to school in England.  The boys downstairs wrapped her in towels and packing tape.  She came to me for help and I made her pose for a photo before I offered to cut her out.

Yes, I'm that kind of friend.

Update:  I found the long lost 22nd birthday picture.  Check it out!

 

Padiddle!

Most of my blogs as of late have had a craft theme which seems to have isolated bored a great number of people.  I am overdue in offering a witty and/or self-revealing blog...so I thought I would give you a peek into my thought process as I drove home from the store tonight.

5:37  I see an unusually high amount of cars with a headlight out and I wonder if there is a reason for this.  Perhaps I only noticed because it is now DARK at 5:00?

5:37  I wonder how to spell the word padiddle...does it start with a silent "t"? 

5:40  I then realize I am confusing the silent "t" with the silent "p" as in the words pterodactyl or ptarmigan.  (Yes it took three whole minutes to realize this...no judgement!)

5:41  The song "One Headlight" by the Wallflowers begins to run through my head and I try to recall if the band ever had another hit.

5:42  Is the band still together? 

5:42  Is Jakob Dylan really the son of Bob Dylan...or did I just make that up?

5:42  Bob Dylan is still alive right?  Surely I would have heard otherwise.

So as soon as I return home and hastily put away the groceries, I open Google and begin to investigate.  Yes, Jakob Dylan is Bob Dylan's son and yes Bob Dylan is still alive and then I make a mental note to add a Bob Dylan biography to my reading list (that is if I ever read anything ever again since I still have not finished a book since August.) 

But perhaps the most shocking thing I learned is that the word padiddle is NOT a noun which refers to a car with only one headlight but in fact is the name of a game.  The rules of Padiddle the game are quite intense but basically boil down to this:  you see a car with a headlight out...you hit the roof of the car...the last one to hit the roof takes off an article of clothing!

How did I never know this?  Did I grow up that sheltered?  Did my lack of male friends in high school contribute to my ignorance?  Padiddle does seem like a coed game...I mean how often do you see three chicks cruising around the 'burbs taking articles of clothing off? 

Am I the ONLY person who didn't know the real rules of Padiddle?  Has anyone actually played by the real rules of Padiddle? 

Obviously I do most of my thinking in questions.

Cooking With Amy - Crab Rangoon Edition

It's no secret that I LOVE projects.  Mom's birthday was yesterday (Happy Birthday Mom!) and Dad and I decided to make homemade Chinese food for her.  We made stir fry with lo-mein noodles, egg rolls, Ah-So (the neon pink sauce) pork strips, and crab rangoon. 

I tackled the crab rangoon on my own and did not have high hopes for myself.  I can be quite disastrous in the kitchen and this recipe called for deep frying which is something I have NEVER done.  I found a simple recipe on the Big, Bold, Beautiful Food Blog which included tips to avert disasters before you start.  That's my kind of cooking...knowing everything that can go wrong before it does. 

I mixed up my crab and cream cheese filling, added some scallions (which I only today learned were also called green onions) and garlic, a bit of soy sauce and I was done.  I used egg roll wrappers which were way too huge to make the traditional triangle crab rangoon, so I cut them in half and made Amy's Special Square Crab Rangoon. 

The scariest part was the deep frying.*  I was concerned that I was going to light something...possibly myself...on fire.  Luckily, I averted all major disasters.  Only one crab rangoon sprung a leak causing the hot oil to sizzle uncontrollably.  Aside from the one that exploded, I made some kick-ass crab rangoon! 

Basically, I'm almost an Iron Chef. 

*In hindsight, I can see how deep frying could easily become a hobby.  I was tempted to toss other things in the oil to see what would happen! 

In Honor of My 50th Post!

1.  I like to win.
2.  I am irrationally afraid of wild animals.
3.  I love lattes!
4.  I am turning 25 in February...again.
5.  This makes me an Aquarius.
6.  I think that I think more than others...but how will I ever know?
7.  I make wishes on eyelashes.
8.  I like secrets.
9.  Especially other peoples.
10.  I am a poor decision maker.
11.  I love looking at the moon and the stars.
12.  I went to camp until I was 24.
13.  I really want to be able to play the piano.
14.  But I'm not sure I have the patience and determination to learn.
15.  I like math.
16.  I don't like tomatoes but I love tomato sauce.
17.  I enjoy driving fast.
18.  I want to write a book.
19.  I have lots of strawberry freckles.
20.  I can listen to the same song for 24 hours.
21.  I want to like tea but I don't.
22.  I have a good memory.
23.  Girls who act helpless irk me.
24.  I think I tell stories better than most people.
25.  I wish I had long, thick, straight hair.
26.  I don't.
27.  I think grammar is overrated.
28.  I love using ellipses...
29.  Procrastinating is one of my favorite pastimes.
30.  I don't sleep with a top sheet.
31.  If I do I kick it to the bottom of the bed in my sleep.
32.  I have no sense of direction.
33.  I believe in fate and karma but not God and church.
34.  I play the flute.
35.  And the piccolo.
36.  I tried to play the viola.
37.  I got as far as "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star".
38.  I think people who drive white cars are assholes.
39.  I've never been to Disney Land or World.
40.  I ran over a bunny once.
41.  I cried.
42.  I'm obsessed with my blog stats.
43.  I love to play Bananagrams.
44.  I secretly want to wear trendy flannel shirts.
45.  But every time I try one on I look like a lady lumberjack.
46.  The smell of cucumbers makes me nauseous.
47.  I am a good speller.
48.  I can make kick-ass paper snowflakes.
49.  I'm about to become an infamous bread baker.
50.  This is actually my 51st post.

Operation Aim Low

I love to start things. I get excited about the promise and anticipation of something new. It's the finishing that I'm not so great at. So despite the fact that my September goals were an epic failure...I can't resist making some October goals. However, these goals will be quite small and insignificant. Nothing important like finding a job...although that is obviously still a major priority.


Without further adieu ado:
1. Carve a pumpkin...ideally without making it look like a six year old did it.

2. Write an entire blog post without using the word "I." I understand that blogging is inherently self-centered but looking back at posts, especially my many majors post, I was almost disgusted by how many times I used the word "I." Obviously my sentence fluency needs some work!

3. Try something new. Anything...in any arena of my life.


You know that quote "Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you'll land among the stars"....yeah...that's crap. If you're really aiming for the moon you are not going to be satisfied with the damn stars. So I'm trying on a new philosophy for the month.

October Philosophy: aim low. I figure if my expectations are super small there is a chance that not only will I meet them, but I may wildly exceed them. In turn, the satisfaction derived from this success may lead to feelings of accomplishment, happiness and positivity....I hope.

I believe this strategy is widely referred to as "baby steps."

Warning...Late Night Sentimental Crap Ahead

Truth...

Currently, my most fulfilling relationship is with my iTunes catalog. No judgement! Listening to a great song with headphones on, at a decibel that would make an audiologist cringe is probably the closest I will ever come to a religious experience. There's just something about lyrics and melody reverberating through my brain that makes me feel whole. For those three and a half minutes everything makes sense.

I spent a long time today listening to Ryan Adams (which makes me yearn to get in the car, head west and drive until I can’t see straight.) Exactly how long I listened will remain a secret but however long you are imagining...trust me it was longer.

I've been super restless as of late and in desperate need of a project. Unemployment requires you to be creative in filling daylight hours so I am undertaking the difficult task of compiling a Best Of Ryan Adams: According to Amy album. To put this mission into prospective, I can probably fit 16-18 songs on a cd…and I am beginning with a Ryan Adams catalog of at least 130 songs. So you understand the challenge.

Any Ryan Adams fans with a recommendation for best song? I will post the track list when it has been finalized.

Empty Sink

If you know me you know how huge a deal this is!

(Psst...if you REALLY know me you know that there is a pile of pots and pans stacked just outside the frame of the photo!)