Charlie Brown is my Spirit Animal

When the Charlie Brown Christmas Special was on at the end of November I was all:

Charlie Brown: I think there must be something wrong with me Linus. Christmas is coming, but I'm not happy. I don't feel the way I'm supposed to feel.

Charlie Brown: I am in sad shape.

Lucy: Alright now, what seems to be your trouble?

Charlie Brown: I feel depressed. I know I should be happy but I'm not.

But now that I have decked the halls and strung the lights and turned on the holiday music I'm much more:

Charlie Brown: Isn't there anyone who understands what Christmas is all about?

Linus: Sure, I can tell you what Christmas is all about...and on Earth peace, good will toward men. 

Monday Morning

Today was not a regular Monday morning.
Today was the Monday morning after an unimaginable, horrific tragedy.
Today was the Monday after a weekend of crying, of watching and rewatching the news, of trying to make some sense out of something that will never make sense.

I didn't sleep well last night. I was anxious about what today would hold. About what conversations we would or wouldn't have.

But I wasn't afraid to walk into school today. I understand that what happened could happen anywhere and that anyone who sets their mind to do something so violent cannot be stopped. I understand that as a staff we are trained to protect our students and ourselves in case such a situation arises. And I understand that we will continue to review, update, and practice our safety procedures.

Today, for all intents and purposes, was a "normal" day. We stuck to our routine and directed any students who wanted to talk about what happened to the guidance counselor. We did not directly address the tragedy with our students and we all made it through the day.

The thing that got to me was watching the kindergartners walking to lunch and seeing how small they were. Immediately my mind flashed to the faces of the children that didn't come home from school on Friday. I thought about all the lives that were shattered. About the siblings who lost brothers or sisters, and the survivors who will have to carry this with them for their entire lives. I wondered how anyone, especially those in Newtown would celebrate Christmas or how they would find the strength to return to school.

And then my kids came back from lunch and we resumed our daily schedule.

So the question becomes how do we move forward in the wake of such a senseless tragedy?

For my own sanity, I need to turn off the news. I need to write about what I'm feeling. I need to spend time with those I love and that love me. And I need to enjoy the small things that make up my day to day routine. I need to listen to holiday music, and buy presents for people I care about. I need to be excited about Christmas cards because it makes me feel good to send and receive mail. I need to work on making every day count.

If I am this affected and my only connection to the incident is being a teacher in a different state, I can't imagine how others are struggling. I can try to empathize and grasp the loss and suffering, but that won't do my soul any good. I can try to accept that with light comes dark, thus with good comes evil. But perhaps all I can really do is take time to truly appreciate the people in my life because you never know how long they will be there for.


 

Cooking with Amy: Christmas Cookie Edition: Part 2

The second thing I made today was some pretzel, Hershey Kiss, M&M buttons. I recreated my pre-hurricane "baking" but with a festive theme.

I started with the same ingredients: checkerboard pretzels, Hershey Kisses, and M&M's.

The most taxing part of this baking adventure is unwrapping all the Hershey Kisses.

Everyday Mom helped. 

Again, my OCD tendencies got the best of me. I was bothered that the pretzels were a bit more rectangular than square so my rows weren't completely straight.

We stacked the Kisses, milk and dark onto the pretzels.

And I segregated the M&M's.

I learned something interesting from this baking adventure. Dark chocolate melts slower than milk chocolate. Who knew? I made Everyday Mom press the M&M's into the Kisses in an alternating red and green pattern so it would make a pretty picture. (P.S. I'm the one who messed up the pattern!)

The snow rolled in and dusted the ground, making it truly feel like Christmas is coming.

As soon as I got home, I put on my Jingle Jammies, turned the Christmas tree lights on, and settled in for the night. 

Cooking with Amy: Christmas Cookie Edition

Each December, Everyday Mom and I have a baking day. We make fudge, Russian tea cakes, 7 layer cookies, spritz, and sometimes I make gingerbread men.

This year there weren't many weekends in December before Christmas and everyone is trying to eat less cookies. So Everyday Mom made fudge and we forwent all the rest. Instead I made Saltine toffee and pretzel, Hershey kiss buttons to bring to work.

First up, the Saltine toffee which I first made with T. It is super delicious and with just four ingredients, it is super easy to make. You melt a stick of butter and a cup of brown sugar and stir until it boils.

Line up your Saltines in an OCD like fashion.

Pour the butter/sugar mixture over the top and pop it into the oven for just 5 minutes.

Dump a bag of chocolate chips on top and wait until they get all shiny. 

Spread the chocolate chips out and sprinkle some Saltine dust on top.

Chill and break into pieces. Then nom away.

Share with others if you are so inclined.

Trying to Find Some Joy

My tree has been sitting naked in the corner since Wednesday so I thought it deserved to be decorated. I don't have a tree topper so I put all the angels at the top and made sure the ring the angel bell lots of times so everyone gets their wings.

Today my Heart is Broken

As an elementary school teacher, I always assumed that the most dangerous part of my job was my commute. But that changed today.

While I was teaching my students how to write the letter K in cursive, other children were dying.

The tragedy that took place at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Connecticut instantly shattered so many hearts and lives. There are kids and teachers and a principal that went to school excited that it was Friday and now their lives are over. These kids will not grow up. Their classmates will forever feel their absence. Tonight there are children who have lost their mothers and mothers who have lost their children.

And at the end of it all there are so many questions left unanswered.

How did this happen?
How do we tell our children?
How does anyone recover from something like this?
How will children ever feel safe at school again?
How will a parent ever send their child to school again?

As teachers, we practice lock down and evacuation drills at school with our students but we never expect to have to use them. Today, at dismissal, there were three policemen stationed at my school and I don't know whether that makes me feel frightened or reassured.

Today my heart is broken.

Happy 12/12/12!

A sixth grader at my school turned 12 today which totally means he should be on the news to celebrate.

During calendar, I informed my students that a day like today won't come around for another 100 years. To which one student replied, "I'll still be alive." And in my head I was all, "Um...you're wrong." But then I got to thinking...

According to this article, the oldest living person is 115 years old. So it is conceivable that my 8 & 9 year olds could potentially live until the next 12/12/12. But then I gave them a quick mini lesson on life expectancy and probability.

And then Student A not so politely said, "But Miss C...you'll be dead." Thanks kid. It's a wonderful thing to ponder my own mortality before 9:30 in the morning.

What My Holiday Cards Will NOT Look Like

I was super inspired by this cross hatch design:

and thought it would make a wonderful holiday card pattern...except with trees or doves instead of a whale. 

But as in most of my craft endeavors, copying others inevitably leads to failure. So this is NOT what my holiday card will look like:

I'll reveal my actual card after they have been mailed and received. But here's a hint:

THEY ARE MAGENTA!

Dear Walmart,

I hate shopping in your store. But alas, you are the only store which carries mason jars year round. After 3 failed trips, I finally found the jars I needed today. So thanks for that.

But, I wanted to discuss your Santa situation.

You have a Santa outside collecting change alongside the Salvation Army peeps. AND you have a different one inside wishing customers a Merry Christmas. One is skinny, one is fat. One has the 'Santa' beard and one looks like homeless Santa.

Are you trying to confuse all of the children?  They've already seen Santa at the mall and now there are two of them at Walmart? How do parents explain this?

XOXO,

Amy

P.S. Thanks for restocking the mason jars though.

Dear Target,

I just can't quit you. I went to get multi colored lights and found myself wandering aimlessly through the Christmas aisle. I began to covet random things to decorate clutter my apartment. Things like painted deer... 

And giant, knitted ornament balls that would be too large to put on a tree.

Also, sweater covered candle holders. Although I fear that these would be flammable so I refrained.

A shiny, metal owl did end up in my cart. At first it was so cute, but the more I look at it, the more alien-like and creepy it is. Maybe it needs a santa hat? 

XOXO, 

Amy