Tuesday, June 14, 2011

American History > Riding Horses

Dear Appropriate Governmental Agency,

I address this letter to you because I am a woefully fake American who doesn't really know where my tax dollars go.  (But let's be frank...do you really know where my tax dollars go?)

The purpose of this letter is to inquire if my tax dollars are being used to train police officers to ride horses and act like douchebags.

I am almost certain that some of my tax dollars are being appropriated to the training of state and local police officers.  While my knowledge of police training ends with the movie Police Academy, I am assuming that different types of officers require different skill sets.  Do mall cops require the same training as the Staties who pull people over on the Mass Pike?  Do the cops who stand in safety green vests talking to construction workers for six hours a day attend the same training facility as cops who actually fight crime?

But seriously, is horse riding part of the Police Academy core curriculum? 

If it is, I would like to politely decline the government's invitation to pay my taxes...at least towards the horse riding portion of police training.  I would also like to request that any taxes already paid be redistributed to aid the failing struggling education system.  This should be mutually beneficial.  Schools will begin hiring again leading me to gainful employment where I will gladly teach 10 year olds American History so they don't end up like Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann.  A teaching job will move me into a higher tax bracket which will then result in more tax dollars to train new recruits how to ride horses.

Let's make this happen.


P.S.  If this is not a fiscally viable option for you, maybe we could begin to lower the national debt by cutting Horse Back Riding 101 and Intro to Douchbaggery from the Police Academy course catalog.



  1. Bahaha. I happened to learn the other day that KC has a mounted police force also. Why? I have no clue, the metro area is hardly the setting for urban cowboys.

  2. I know right? Do you think they just ask the traffic cops who wants to be joined the mounted police force then send them to horse camp?

  3. OMG! Michelle Bachmann is a Republican from Minnesota who is running for president and she is bat shit crazy.


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