Thursday, June 9, 2011

This Post Is Going To Make Me Some Enemies

Let me preface this by saying I know this is going to sound sacrilegious...especially to my Boston Brethren. we go. 

I couldn't care less about the Bruins.

Before you freak out and start commenting that "OMG they haven't made it to the Stanley Cup in 200 years and it's just like when the Red Sox were in the World Series in 2004", let me explain.  I don't follow hockey.  At all.  Ever. 

The only things I know about hockey are:
My home team is the Bruins.
I think a Bruin is a bear.
But their colors are black and yellow...which seem more reminiscent of a bumble bee.
Skates, pucks, nets, and helmets are involved.
It happens on ice.
Men are allowed to legally assault each other in public...and they get paid for it.

At what point do hockey players start taking boxing lessons?  It's all very Gladiator.  The crowd starts cheering and gets all lynch mobby while the ref stands by watching the fight, stopping them only before the blood hits the ice because I imagine at that point it would become a health code violation and they would have to stop the game to prevent the spread of HIV.

I've only been to two hockey games in my life and both were college games.  If my life depended on naming three hockey players I would be dead.  I can name Wayne Gretzky and Gordie Howe (only because I've seen the movie Never Been Kissed a million times) and even then, if I didn't Google their names before typing this post I would have spelled them: Wayne Gretski and Gordy Howe.

I know that being in the playoffs extends a sports season but is June 9th!  It is 327 degrees out today...any sports involving ice should have ended by the latest!

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